I have to admit, the past couple of weeks have been rough. I've kind of been wishing time away, not really investing as much as I should into playing and enjoying Michael. We have our on and off days, but lately it seemed like most of the days had been "off".
I love Michael more than words can express, and it pains me when we have hard days. I wonder if I'm scarring him for life if I put on a TV show rather than run around the house for the hundredth time with him, just so I can sit and have some quiet time. Or if I'm not doing as much as I should because he doesn't know more than five letters and can only really count to two. After all, there are kids who can count to six and are younger than him, and kids who know the alphabet song already. Shouldn't Michael know more?
It seems to be that our society puts a lot of pressure on where Michael should be and what I should be doing to get him there. So on days where I'm worrying about all of that, and then turn on the TV instead of deciding to do a letter-of-the-week craft, I panic, and think I'm somehow stunting him.
When Clark's gone, I admit to getting lazy some of the time. I have so much admiration for parents who do this more often than I do, especially single parents who have to do it all themselves all the time. But ultimately I realize that I just worry too much about how I'm parenting, rather than just parenting. Does that make sense?
So lately a lot more time has been invested in having mommy-son time, and less time on the computer blogging or making cleaning the priority. Be patient with me as I catch up, but I promise some awesome recipes and plenty of change in the weeks to come.
Until and through then, I will be focusing on what matters most-- our little family.