Co-sleeping

This morning Michael woke up just before 3am. Around 4am, I finally struggled out of bed with him.

By 4:30am Michael was asleep in his sling, but by then I had already had a cup of coffee and a piece of toast. There was no way I was going back to sleep. I figured he would wake up soon after, anyway.

Well, Michael didn't wake up again until 6am. That's another 1.5 hours of sleep I could have potentially had... but when you take into account how long it may have taken me to fall asleep, just another hour. I'm not too bummed I missed out on it. But I am bummed that I only got a grand total of maybe five hours of sleep. I think it was less than that, considering all the tossing and turning Michael did.

Clark coaches a kids climbing team. Last night he met one of his boys' little brothers who was the same age as Michael. Clark was stunned considering how much bigger the boy was than Michael, but he brought up how the mom said the baby boy sleeps in his own crib and almost sleeps through the night. Clark questioned letting Michael cry, or just how we could get Michael to sleep on his own.

Co-sleeping is not easy. In the beginning I would defend myself to others.

"Yes, Michael is still sleeping with us... but we're working on getting him in his crib, I swear!"

I still do it sometimes. I feel like everyone judges us. We're already judged because we're young parents, so I feel like all of our parental decisions are scaled differently. I shouldn't care, but most of the time I do.

Before we brought Michael home we said he wouldn't sleep with us. We said we'd put him in the crib from the start so he'd get used to it.

That didn't happen.

We brought him home and we were positively exhausted, and it was so much easier for the three of us to climb into bed than to go through a night of Michael crying out in his crib. The first night we were home, we became attachment-parents.

Many people do not agree with our decision. Everyone tells me that we're going to have to let Michael cry. Clark's dad insists that we let Michael cry more. Just put him in his crib, let him cry for ten minutes, and he'll fall asleep instantly.

I just can't do it.

It is more stressful to me to think of Michael not being comforted and screaming his lungs out, than to go through a rough night of little sleep on my end and let him toss and turn in the comfort of my arm(s).

I am working on getting Michael to sleep on his own. Every day I try to let him take a nap on our bed or in his crib by himself. It's a work in progress. I'm honestly not in any rush. I would rather do what's best for Michael than abide by these supposed rules that everyone places on parents these days.

Every baby is different. My mom told me my older sister couldn't stand to sleep on her own, but I loved my crib. I loved my space.

Michael does not love his space. He wants to be held by someone. He wants comfort. He wants to know that we are there for him. Someone is there for him. If that means that he has to sleep with us until he's a few months older, than that's fine by me. I just have to remember that he won't be sleeping with us forever. Someday, he'll sleep on his own.

Until that day comes, I'm going to enjoy having Michael cuddle with me every night. It's such an extraordinary feeling to know that he's safe in my arms. While I may wake up at 3am, semi-grumpy because he just can't get to sleep due to an inability to pass gas or inability to sleep while lying still, I get through it knowing I'm doing the best by him/us.