Called to Rest

I am a do-er. If you know what I mean, I imagine we are one in the same.

I am constantly on the go. I love to have things to do, places to be, people to see, etc. Although it takes me some time, once I am comfortable with people/a place/ a situation I am, what you call, a social butterfly. I love to help people, give to people, be with people... do you get my meaning?

And then I have days where I break down. I complain about being so busy, about my house being a disaster, about not having anything to do. This past week my bestie who I've known since I was five was visiting, and I must confess that I did this at least twice during her five day visit.

Yeah. Not cool.

I have a hard time relaxing. I have a hard time sitting down and really, just... breathing. Even my God-time seems to be on a tight schedule and I glance at my watch, my phone, the nearest clock... I worry that Michael is going to wake up from his nap before I fold the laundry or wash the dishes and I therefore don't really spend time resting with the Lord.

No big deal, right? I'll pray later. I'll read the Bible more tomorrow to make up for it. I'll find time... eventually.

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My load is light." Matthew 11:28-30.

Most days, rushing through doesn't phase me, but then I start to worry as I'm cuddled in bed.

Did I do enough with Michael today? I got upset with him too much. I need to work on that.

Did I e-mail everyone I was supposed to? No. Well, I'll do it eventually.

I forgot to clean the bathroom. Our bathtub is so gross. We need a new shower curtain. I need to add that to the Target list.

These thoughts continue, and continue, and continue. Soon I find I'm not sleepy, or it's one in the morning, or it's four in the morning and then I start dreading the coming hours because Michael is bound to wake up before I've gotten sufficient rest. I panic. And it makes rest even more difficult.

This morning we slept in. Instead of being thankful, I was annoyed because it cut into my early-grocery-store-trip plan. I could have still gone, but somehow I was so annoyed at the prospect of going after our typical morning routine that I decided we'd go after Michael's nap. That way I could get a shower in.

Guess who's not napping?

So as the morning progressed Michael wanted to take a bath. As I was running water I was looking for a shirt for myself. I couldn't find the shirt I wanted. I mean, I had just worn it last night. Where could it be? I thought I put it on my dresser. Not there. I checked the couch, the pile of clean clothes on the rocking chair... nothing.

During all of this, Clark called needing me to help him with directions to somewhere. I was so short with him just because I wanted to get back to looking for my shirt.

When I finally hit my breaking point, I walked into our bedroom and sat down on our bed, letting my face fall into my hands. Why was this such a big deal? Just pick another shirt.

But it wasn't that. I felt like I couldn't catch a break. Like everything in life is a battle... so much so that I couldn't even find the shirt I wanted to wear.

A few tears feel, a prayer was said... and then I just sat there. Everything was quiet. Michael was throwing toys into the tub, anxiously waiting for me to put him in it. Our dog was passed out on our living room rug. The cat was curled up in the dog's bed. All was quiet.

And yet, I heard it.

Rest.

I thought I was thinking it myself. That's often what happens when the Lord is speaking. Friends who talk about quiet time with God and listening to him, I didn't understand. My thoughts are ALWAYS rushing that I seem to stop listening to Him and continue listening to myself. (See I am v. The GREAT I Am.)

Rest.

So I prayed. I asked for peace, for comfort, for the ability to stop stressing and to rest as He commanded.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7.

After I prayed and recited that verse, I went to get up to help Michael into the bathtub. And there, right in front of my face on the floor, was my shirt.

My focus has been here, there, and everywhere except right where it should be. I don't know why I'm so surprised that I've been stressed, getting migraines, tense, anxious... I haven't been keeping my eyes on Him. Instead I've been looking to this wretched world we live in, and that's not my purpose.

My purpose is to serve Him. To praise Him. To rest in Him.

Praise the Lord for being a patient, forever loving God with my weary, impatient, distracted soul.