I am super excited to be on Whiskey, Wine, & Writing tonight. When my friend Nikki asked me to be a guest, there was no way I could say no. I have to admit, though, I'm incredibly nervous.

As all moms know, when it comes to explaining how we get everything done... it isn't easy. One day I'll be super productive and feel like I've got the world on a string. The next day, I'll be walking around like a chicken with her head cut off and not know where to begin or end my day.

Just to say a little something, and hopefully you'll follow this link to tune in tonight to hear the rest of my rambling, but there is no REAL way to balance mom life with author life (or photographer life, or school life, or entrepreneur life, or volunteer life, or whatever other half of your life may seem like your purpose beyond motherhood).

When it comes down to it for me, it's just about finding time each day to give myself a break and allow myself to do something (beyond making meals, having scoot races, learning the ABC's, and reading The Monster At the End of This Book for the millionth time) that makes me happy. I'm allowed many little moments during the day, whether it's my devotional in the morning or getting to nap with Michael (because, man, the third trimester of this second pregnancy is kicking my butt). But when I get ten minutes, or maybe even an hour, that little man is playing independently so beautifully that I get to sit down at the computer and work on my book(s)-- those are the moments I revel in, and the moments that I make a priority.

I have to make time to sit down at the computer and write. If I didn't, I'd never get anything done. In September I put my mind to writing my first YA Historical Fiction-- what I've been dying to write since I was probably ten years old. And I did it. I made time every day to work on my book, no matter what else was going on. I wouldn't have been able to do it without a very understanding husband, who knows I need time to get the creativity flowing even when he's only home for four days at a time. I also wouldn't have been able to do it without a very happy son, who realizes that mommy is in a slightly better mood when she gets a little time to write. And I definitely wouldn't have been able to do it without patience, prayer, and discipline.

I've heard from multiple people, "I wish I had time to write," or "I want to write a book, I just don't have the time yet." I have to bite my tongue, to be honest, because who has the time? I freelance from home for work, take care of my three-year-old and our house, and we have another baby on the way. My husband is gone ten days, home four days-- and his schedule just settled down to that. I'm not putting myself on a pedestal for getting things done, I'm just pointing out that no one has time, but if you want to be a writer, you have to make it.

I hope you'll tune in to hear more tonight at 8 p.m. EST!

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This has been a week for the books. It feels like it's been going since last Thursday. Granted, we've "stopped" since then a couple of times... but when Clark is home, time just runs together. It's wonderful and almost sad at the same time.

Dear Michael, I'm sorry for getting upset when the only person you want is Dada. It should make me SO HAPPY that you love your Dada (and it does), but I selfishly get hurt feelings when he comes home and you want nothing to do with me. You'd think the break would do me some good, but honestly it just makes me appreciate all our wonderful together-time. Don't get me wrong. I want your Daddy home. I will just be one happy camper when it's a little more of a consistent/normal schedule... someday.

We had so much fun celebrating your birthday ALL. WEEK. Going apple picking, going to see Planes, and the plan to go to the fair today... it has just been awesome.

Dear Friends, Forgive me for going MIA whenever the hubby is home. We try to squeeze so much quality family time in that my phone tends to be forgotten and the internet abandoned (except for work). I appreciate your patience and love, and I hope you don't think of me as a fare-weather-friend.

Dear Cold, Please go away. This is referring to HAVING a cold, not cold weather. I am over being sick and not being able to breathe. You've made life a bit difficult. So... if you could just be done with... I'd appreciate it.


Have a happy weekend, my friends! Here are some things you have to look forward to.


Michael's Birthday, in review.


Beer Bread.


#TBT: Yummy Corn.


PS-- just realized it's Friday the 13th. Weird.

The idea for this post came from Ashley over at The Sweet Season.

Yesterday I spent a good chunk of time just browsing at past blog posts. I realize that lately I haven't exactly been posting regularly. On the contrary, I have found myself avoiding blogging. Why? I asked myself that same question.

I've realized that in the past year or so I was getting caught up. Caught up in the idea that I had to "be the best". Take amazing pictures for everyone to envy. Post amazing recipes for everyone to try and cook. Share amazing stories/devotionals/ideas for everyone to find inspiring. I got caught up in trying to be the super-amazing-mommy-wife-blogger.

I mean, I jumped from having 66 total posts in 2011 to having 212 in 2012. I started really getting a feel for our SLR camera. I started thinking about things like blog posts, and immediately wanting to blog whenever we finished hanging out as a family or I finished cooking or whatever. I was always thinking about the blog.

Then I hit a rough patch. I was so excited for my "25 Days of Christmas" idea, and it ended up pretty much being a sinking ship. I felt so much pressure to get a blog post up every day that my pictures were mediocre, some of my grammar atrocious, the the giveaways I had lined up barely had any entries. I was devastated. I mean, I really thought my blog was growing, and then it turned out I really could only count on my friends/family to make it look good when everyone could so clearly see it was drowning.

As 2013 started, I was pretty close to just letting my blog go. Let it slowly die out. Post every now and then when I was excited to share and if there was any new interest shown, but ultimately I was just going to let time run out.

I know, melodramatic. But I got so caught up in the fact that my blog wasn't "perfect". That all these women were making their lives look so wonderful and picture-perfect and I just couldn't keep up.

I told this to a friend, who said my blog was refreshing because it seemed real compared to so many others out there. But I honestly wasn't convinced. If mine's so refreshing, how come I only have 59 followers? When I told another friend about my struggle, and said I may try to simplify, she suggested I find a focus and run with it. I know this is because my blog can be all over the place.

Moving forward...

The past three months of this new year that I proclaimed was going to be "the year", have kind of sucked. Excuse the expression but I find no other way of saying it. I have been struggling more with my eating habits, losing my temper at tiny things, and letting my house go to the point that I'm pretty sure Michael and I got sick from the overwhelming amounts of dog hair, dust, and who knows what else. I haven't been depressed, per say, but I certainly haven't been in the best of places.

What does this have to do with blogging? Let me tell you.

I missed it.

I missed blogging and yet the pressure I was putting on myself for my blog to be perfect was keeping me from it. You may recall the post I did last year about the Super-SAHM. You know, that every stay-at-home-mom these days has to be this all-powerful person and do everything wonderfully and organically and gosh forbid if you use disposable diapers or don't make your own baby food. YES, I am one of those mothers. I made a huge deal about making my own baby food, and love our cloth diapers. BUT I don't think mothers who don't do that are any less of mothers.

A woman in my Bible study who I look up to so much said that she's found that all mothers need to start building each other up as mothers rather than pointing out each others' flaws.

Just because a mom doesn't eat organically, or just because she uses disposable diapers, or just because she makes brownies from a box, or just because she works full time doesn't make her ANY LESS OF A MOTHER. It makes her human. Moms have the hardest jobs of all, and to constantly put each other down or try to out do the other just to appear to be the "better mom" only hurts us-- the women.

Why would we want to do that to each other? Doesn't the world put us down enough in one way or another? Shouldn't we be supporting each other?

What does this have to do with blogging? Let me tell you.

I was letting other women get to me.

Women who I don't even know, who haven't ever said a negative to me or in my general direction, were making me feel inferior. These women who can have family outings and take gorgeous pictures were making me feel self conscious. These women who lost their baby weight in a heart beat and don't struggle with food choices were making me feel like I wanted to eat everything in sight. These women who have kids who are already potty trained (and are Michael's age) or who do constant crafts with their children were making me feel like a failure. These women who work, buy organic foods, have bigger houses, have nicer furniture, have their children in their own beds, are constantly taking outings with friends and family-- were making me feel naive and inadequate, even though I don't know them at all.

All of this was keeping me from blogging. Suddenly I was aware of my mediocre pictures from a point and shoot camera (since our SLR was stolen in November). Suddenly I was aware that I haven't been making the best food choices for me or Michael. Suddenly I was aware that maybe my child already watches too much TV. Suddenly I was aware that I wasn't up to par with all these other women.

And now, I'm aware that it doesn't matter.

I am who I am as a mom. I need to stop holding myself to all these "blogger standards" that may not even really be there and blog because I enjoy it, and blog for those that enjoy what I do. The internet is vast and never ending, so it seems, and the fact that I'm letting all the ridiculousness of the world get to me is, well, ridiculous. We blogging mothers (and mothers/women in general) need to stick together and support one another, no matter our circumstances.

So, whether you're an outstanding photographer or just sport a point-and-shoot, whether you use disposable or cloth diapers, whether you make your own baby food or buy it in the store... you get the idea... I am behind you.

You are awesome.

Remember that.

For more ideas on being an "imperfect mom" check out Jillsavage.org!

Hello, I'm Emily and I'm socially awkward.

Ok, that's not true. In truth I can usually hold my own in social situations, but I haven't always been the one to seek them. I usually hang back and have a friend or someone there with me to break into the conversation. I can only initiate so much small talk. As I've gotten older, I've gotten admittedly better. Still... I tend to always have a moment where I'm awkward.

For example...

1. I'll tell people WAY too much information. Like my life story. They'll ask how I ended up "here", and I start rattling away on how we married when we were 18 and unexpectedly found we were expecting Michael and came to "here" for Clark to be in school, but now he had to leave school temporarily for work...

Yeah. Word Vomit. It happens to the best of us. But it tends to happen to me ALL the time when I meet new people.

2. I'll agree with everything they say. They could say the world is ending, they hate puppies, and chocolate is the worst thing on earth-- and I would nod my head and say, "Oh my gosh, I know!" simply to gain their approval. This is not to say that all of my oh-my-gosh-I-knows aren't genuine, it's to say that when meeting new people they tend to come out more than usual.

There are many others, but not ones that I would care to share. Don't get me wrong. I trust y'all. I just don't want you to stop reading my blog, haha.

I'm getting better. The problem is that Clark and I are "in-betweeners" where we are. We're in the middle of the college kids and the older adults. When I say older, I don't mean it as an insult, but I mean the above 30s. This is simply because we're in our mid twenties. It's hard to find anyone our age and married, let alone with a child. So, we go one way or another and have to acclamate to our surroundings. It makes it a bit difficult sometimes to figure out who I really am. I mean, I feel like I'm trying to be a lot of things simply to have a social network.

I guess that's how we all feel sometimes... or all the time... huh?

What happens when you meet new people? If you have an tricks/advice please do share!

(2008)

When I was in high school, my teachers always told me that college was the best time of their lives. I heard the same from my mom. Being a college student offered you a world of opportunity and a life to really enjoy. It was the time of life that you got to focus on yourself, before stepping into the big-bad-world and having to deal with everyone else.

It wasn't exactly that way for Clark and me.

Not saying that it wasn't four of the greatest years of my life. Simply saying that we had to really work at balancing being teens/early twenties young adults with our marriage. What you learn when you get married is that marriage isn't easy. What you learn when you get married young is that marriage is extraordinarily difficult.

In the fall of 2009, I was a busy-body. I was in a sorority, I was working, I was taking classes I loved, I was an intern for the school paper, I was married, and I was loving life. Balancing everything seemed to give me a healthy load of stress. To me, there are two types of stress: good and bad. I was in the good.

Clark really wasn't.

It's not that he wasn't enjoying life, it's that Clark was struggling with his search. He had withdrawn from the four year college and started a degree with a community college. Then he decided that he wanted to move away from that and pursue another four year degree online. He was thinking of doing the Marine Corps as an officer. He wanted to be a pilot.

I was supportive.

I knew Clark needed to find whatever it was he was looking for. As long as he didn't stray from me and our commitment, I knew we would be ok.

However, because Clark was struggling, I had to give him more time. I had to reorganize, re-prioritize, and sometimes (a lot of the time) sacrifice things I wanted to do with friends or for school, and instead do things/spend time with him.

Many people didn't understand. I mean, 18-22 year olds aren't exactly the most mature people yet. Some of my sorority sisters barely acknowledged me simply because they all assumed I was no fun. When we went through "big-little" interviews, I got, "Oh, you're the married one!" Apparently that meant I was an old fart.

It was the same for other things outside of the sorority, too.

I missed our first date function for the sorority, homecoming, because Clark had gotten me tickets to see Michael Buble for our one year anniversary. I was beyond excited for the concert, but no one else seemed to be excited for me. It was a bigger deal that I was missing homecoming than it was for me to be going to see Michael Buble with my husband in celebration of one year of marriage.

It made me feel like I was in high school, sometimes. Like going to the school dance was more important than anything.

Over all, I'd say I did a good job. I learned what my priorities really were, as a student and a wife. Even if I made some poor decisions in the moment, I don't regret learning the "hard" way whatsoever.