As you may remember from Sorority Blues, I was having some difficulties with my sisters. Perhaps it wasn't their fault. After all, none of them were married. They didn't quite understand precisely what I was going through with Clark being away. However, a few of them were in long distance relationships. I had hoped, perhaps, they would step up and try to really get me out to do things. Sadly, I was mistaken (save for one sister, that is).

Well, at this time I was in a Literature Theory class where I met my now bosom friend, Becca. She and I started talking thanks to her fabulous Wicked bag (as in the musical), and hit it off from there. It just so happened that at this point in time, she was actually dropping from her sorority thanks to a lot of drama and ridiculousness. I shared my woes about how my sisters weren't being supportive about Clark being gone, and we then adopted each other.

Our spring formal was approaching, and it just so happened that it was on my birthday. Thanks to the "tapping" drama from the last function I was at with Clark, I had to stay at formal all night (or at least until Lady President told me I could leave). Well, I certainly didn't want to be stranded all night by my lonesome. Since Becca was dropping her sorority, and had mentioned already buying her own formal dress, I invited her as my date. Of course she said yes. From then on, we were pretty much inseparable.


I decided to have people meet at my house before the event (I forgot what we called this). Since I had to be there all night, I had to drive. Having a minivan meant that I pretty much always got assigned to drive people as it was. I decided, since it was my birthday, I would make cupcakes for everyone. Perhaps I was secretly hoping that they'd all sing to me. Well, much to my dismay, no one ate cupcakes before we had to go. In fact, very few people arrived even remotely early. They showed up and then we had to leave (we were assigned a time). One of my sisters, who was actually moving in with me over the summer and basically already living with me, bought me a sunflower (my favorite) and kept wishing me happy birthday, but no one else seemed to care.

When we all piled in the car, I asked Becca to direct for me off the directions I had printed out.

Let me lead with I am AWFUL at directions. Terrible. Truly. Thank goodness I married Clark, who seriously has a GPS in his head.

So, I asked Becca to direct. However, there was some confusion, and I took a wrong turn. One of my sisters was from the town, and was like, "Where are we going?"

I looked in the rear view mirror and said I was following the directions I printed off.

"Well, you're going the wrong way. You need to turn around. You could have just asked me, I am from here."

My van was jam packed (as in, there may have been one or two people extra) and they were all being loud and my feelings were hurt that no one had wished me a happy birthday or even partaken in the cupcakes I made, and I was stressed because I'm awful with directions but had thought that out and here I was going the wrong way anyway.

"Look," I said, "I'm just following the directions. If we don't come up on the road it says next, I'll turn around, but until then could you just let me drive?"

It may have been nastier than that. I am biased, after all.

She rolled her eyes, said something under her breath to her date, and let me be. Five minutes later, we turned around.

"So, now you're going to listen to me?" She just had to say.

"Well, we figured out what we missed on the directions. Next time why don't you drive."

When we finally got to formal (truly not that late), the sister who had been telling me where to go and whatnot ignored me the entire time. So, when we all sat down at a table, it was me, Becca, and most of the people who had been in the car with me (save the sunflower-sister), and they didn't talk to us at all. Seriously. I basically felt like I was an outcast imposing on formal. I was so mad.


Becca did her best to make the night worthwhile. I think we spent most of the night talking to the female bar tenders (although I wasn't drinking) than we did anyone else. If we weren't talking to them, we were dancing. Thank goodness Becca was super outgoing and loving, because I think I would have spent most of the time sulking at the table or in the bathroom if it wasn't for her.

When we left, we gave more people a ride. At least they had the courtesy to thank me and offer me gas money. Becca spent the night. We stayed up talking/watching a movie and divulging in the cupcakes I made.

My family and friends from afar did everything in their power (sent me flowers, presents, phone calls, etc.) to make up for the fact that Clark wasn't there, but they weren't either. I was so thankful to have one friend, who I wasn't even close to at that time, to really just take over and make my day amazing. Because, admittedly, I'm one of those people who wants a parade on their birthday. Becca definitely did her best to do all that and more for me, even if my "sisters" didn't.

When the time came for Clark to leave for bootcamp, it was a bit surreal. The recruiter came and picked Clark up from our house, since Clark wasn't allowed to drive and it would have been rather a mess if I tried to take him. I'm sure there was more protocol to it than that, but I really don't remember.

I told Clark to text and call me as much as possible before they took his phone away. I told him to be smart, stay ahead of the game, and remember what was important. I told him not to let them brainwash him.... because that's what worried me the most.

Just like that, with a kiss and a hug, he was gone.

As I watched the car drive away, I burst into tears. I know, I know. It's not like he was deploying, but that's what it felt like to me. This was going to be the first span of time I had been away from him. It wasn't like I was going to Germany to visit my family and would see him in two weeks. He was going away, I was to receive letters, and that was it. I would see him at the end of June (basically July).

I moped around the house. I wasn't sure what to do.

We were told that Clark would get a phone call home when he arrived at Parris Island, South Carolina. I had heard from him very briefly up until he got on the bus and they took away his things. I was anxiously awaiting to hear his voice, no matter the hour.

Around 2am, my phone rang.

I answered. It was splotchy. All I heard was.

"...safely...time...thanks for your support."

Click.

Was that my phone call? It couldn't be... could it?

Why, yes, yes it was.

I learned later that Clark got to read from a script that was taped above the pay phone, and there was someone standing there to make sure he didn't say anything except what was on that sheet of paper.

Within a few days I got a sheet of paper from "Clark" with information about what he would be going through. It wasn't until a week or so later that I received my first letter from him.

In my first letter, I made sure to ask him about finances. After all, one of the reasons he honestly went was to make sure we had some sort of solid income, no matter how meager. We hadn't been informed just how much of that I would receive, or how I could have access to it, etc.

Clark informed me in his second or third letter I wouldn't have access to it. He informed me that they set up a bank account that he didn't even have the information to. Therefore, I would have to ask family for help until we could sort things out.

I. Was. LIVID.

I called Clark's recruiter. He said there was a number I could call with concerns and stuff, but he'd doubt I'd get anything out of it. (Yes, he actually said that to me.) So he gave me the number and I called.

The first time I called no one answered. The second time I called there was a button that said to press two if it was an emergency, so I pressed two. It connected me to 9-1-1... I was so embarrassed.

I called back and finally got an answer. I explained a shorter version of my problem to who answered the phone.

"My husband informed me in a letter that I won't be getting any money while he's away, and we didn't prepare for that. I need to speak to him or someone who can help me with this, because while I have a job, it's not enough to cover our expenses."

"Well, ma'am, he has expenses here, too."

"I understand that, but I'm his wife, and therefore I have a right to his money just like he has a right to mine. Could you let him call me, and he could share the information he has?"

"Certainly. We'll have him call you tonight." I should have known that was too easy.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it."

"Is there anything else?"

"Don't you need my information?"

"Oh, right."

I gave it to him. I should have taken his name. I should have been smarter than to believe they were just going to let Clark call me. I mean, it emphasized in all the information that all we'd get was letters. Still, I wanted to believe the man on the other end of the line was honorable.

I waited, and waited, and waited. I barely did anything that day without having my phone right by me. There was even a sorority function that one of my sister's convinced me to go to, and I was sitting there hugging my phone the entire time.

When Clark didn't call, I was such a mess. I didn't understand. The military I knew wasn't like this.

The next day the same sorority sister and her family were going to the beach for Easter break. They had invited me, and although I had to work that day, I had agreed to go. I got out of work, explaining what was going on and that I was feeling mentally up to it. Thankful for an amazing boss, they understood, and I left for the beach with my sister and hef family. She told me to just let it go until after the beach.

Little did I know it would be getting a lot worse before it got better.

As Clark prepared to head off to Boot Camp, things got a little tricky. Preparing for my spouse to be gone for thirteen weeks would be difficult alone, but taking into account that I really wouldn't have access to him for that long (communication wise) was definitely trying on my nerves.

I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him. I think we had about ten days, maybe it was a little longer than that, in between the time he told me when he was going, and when he was going.

Clark realized (a bit late) that he was going to be gone for my birthday. He decided he wanted to take me to the zoo as an early birthday trip. The problem was the only day we could go was a required sorority function. I don't remember at this point if it was a fundraiser, meeting, or what, but it was required.

Initially I did have to work that day. So I sent e-mails to the appropriate people and was excused from the event. However, I then got out of work. I may have neglected to tell the appropriate sorority people because I wanted to go to the zoo with my husband. If I had been extra sneaky, I could have withheld the information entirely. Oh, but Facebook. I mean, how could I resist posting pictures of going to the zoo?

(March 2009)

(Elephants are my absolute favorite.)

Sorority sisters got mad. Some didn't understand why I was excused to go to the zoo with my husband and they weren't excused for other things.

This was the first thing that started the "sorority blues."

Looking back, I totally understand why many of them were upset. I was excused from an event to go have fun, and shouldn't have been an exception-- even if my husband was shipping off to bootcamp for thirteen weeks. I still think it should have been somewhat understandable, but like with many other corporations and such, there can't be special circumstances all the time simply because of your marital status (or what have you).

Next was a mixer. I had volunteered to "tap" for this big party/dance/mixer because I didn't want to at formal. The only problem was, this was the last mixer before Clark left. Suddenly I didn't want to be required to stick around ALL night just to make sure other sisters didn't get out of control with their drinking. I wanted to be home, cuddling with the hubs. So, I went, I got the low-down of what I was supposed to do... and I left early.

Technically, I was never told I had to stay all night. Technically, I never signed the paper agreeing to "tap" at a function, or what it entailed. Technically, no one cared.

So, the next day I was called to meet our VP, which happened to be one of my semi-decent friends, and was handed a letter for "J-Board" (Judicial Board). AKA, I had to meet with the pres, vp, and someone else and explain myself and possibly face consequences.

To me, it was pretty laughable. Of course, I didn't tell them that. Sisters had been "J-Boarded" for much worse than leaving a party early.

Here's the thing, though. Other sisters were not happy. After all, I wasn't living up to my sorority duties. I was fully focused on my marriage and spending time with my husband before he left. I didn't care what the sorority expected of me, I only cared about my marriage. This should be somewhat understandable, right? Maybe. I do know it was somewhat immature, and that I should have tried to balance. But, honestly, what's more important? A sorority, or a marriage?

Marriage. Duh.

So, when I met with the "J-Board", I explained that I did have to initially work but then got out of it and went to the zoo, forgetting the duty to the sorority. When it came to "tapping", I stated that I didn't have any documents that told me what I was required to do, and I'm pretty sure I never signed one. However, I offered to "tap" at formal, since Clark wasn't going to be able to be there, anyway.

That seemed to work.

The thing that bugged me the most? Technically the "J-Board" was just for the tapping, but they brought up the zoo incident as well. On top of that, apparently a fellow sister had accused Clark of using a fake ID at one of the functions he was at.

I. Was. Livid.

Clark using a fake ID meant I could get kicked out. That's not what bothered me. What bothered me is that someone actually suggested that Clark did such a thing. More than once I considered demanding who said it, but I knew they wouldn't tell me... so it didn't matter. I just couldn't believe someone in the sorority would do such a thing.

And then I thought about how much I hadn't been doing with/for the sorority... and part of me believed it. I started wondering if the sorority really was the right place for me. After all, most of the girls were interested in three things:

1. Boys
2. Getting Drunk
3. Getting Drunk with Boys

I'm not saying that all sororities are like this, at all. Or that all the girls in that sorority were, either. There just really was no structure to our sorority, and we had a severe lack of adult supervision within the Greek system as it was at my college.

What I am saying, is that the sorority wasn't starting to look as glamorous as it did to begin with to this married-young-college-student. I was realizing that it was leading me farther away from things that were important (God, my marriage, school) and trying to get me to focus on other things instead.

In March 2009 Clark and I were facing some rough times. I had been in a sorority for about seven months. At the time I really didn't see what it was doing to our relationship. I was investing more and more into these girls and less and less into my marriage. I mean, let's face it. I was just about 20, a sophomore in college, and was really just starting to experience life. Most people at this age aren't married, or even close to it. I think the number one reason for that is maturity.

If you're going to get married young, you need to be prepared to really grow up with the person you marry.

I digress....

So, I was investing a lot of my time and energy into the sorority. Clark was competing for my attention. Whenever I gave it to him, sorority sisters complained. Whenever I gave them attention, Clark complained.

I was torn.

Clark was feeling useless. Here I was in school, and there he was trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his part of our life. He said he wanted to take online courses. He started. Then we met with a Marine Corps recruiter and he considered going active duty, then he backed out. We met with the OSO (Officer Selection Office... I think) and he started talking about the long-term plans. He liked that idea... for a while.

Clark was impatient. He wanted the change now. He wanted to be done with school, going to The Basic School, and all that jazz. He didn't want to take all the steps that lead to the ultimate goal-- he simply wanted the ultimate goal. He wanted to accomplish something. He wanted to BE something.

I clearly wasn't showing him at this time that he was someone, especially to me. Or, if and when I did, it just wasn't enough. Ahh to be 20 and married.

Well, in March Clark decided to go talk to a recruiter again. We had been over it and over it and I told him I'd support him. While we had talked through many options, I didn't see any other than him doing something that would make him feel successful. I realized that all my "success" in school was making him feel inferior. Marriage was about compromise, communication, and sacrifice, right? Well, I was willing to do whatever it took. I knew he was restless.

Before Clark went, we knew the OSO had ratted him out to his parents. He had talked to them about what he wanted to do, and how he was restless, and they had no answers other than everything would take time. That's clearly not what Clark wanted to hear. So, he went to talk to a recruiter about his options. His dad was calling me nonstop while he was away. I ignored the calls. One was around one in the morning. I was so angry. It was our decision after all. We were our own family. Even if we were making mistakes, they were our mistakes.

I knew that one way or another, Clark was going to join the Marine Corps. I just didn't know he was going to do it right then. When I got a phone call saying it was done, that he had signed the paper work, that he was going reserves, that he'd leave for boot camp (13 weeks straight of no communication other than letters) at the end of the month... I was furious.

Anyone who talked to me at that time, or around that time, will tell you I was a disaster. I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was completely losing control of my marriage. That may sound crazy, and it may sound like we were just irresponsible kids who shouldn't have been married in the first place... but it wasn't either of those things.

It was another bump in our marriage, yes, and perhaps at the time I didn't know it was another time for God to carry me through, but it definitely was something that needed to happen to make us both stronger.

Clark came home late at night. I cried, yelled, cried, and yelled. I'm pretty sure at some point I may have thrown a thing or two as well. I just didn't know what to do.

In the end, we talked, we prayed, we called family. It was all we could do. Like with everything else, this was just the beginning of another adventure.

(2008)

When I was in high school, my teachers always told me that college was the best time of their lives. I heard the same from my mom. Being a college student offered you a world of opportunity and a life to really enjoy. It was the time of life that you got to focus on yourself, before stepping into the big-bad-world and having to deal with everyone else.

It wasn't exactly that way for Clark and me.

Not saying that it wasn't four of the greatest years of my life. Simply saying that we had to really work at balancing being teens/early twenties young adults with our marriage. What you learn when you get married is that marriage isn't easy. What you learn when you get married young is that marriage is extraordinarily difficult.

In the fall of 2009, I was a busy-body. I was in a sorority, I was working, I was taking classes I loved, I was an intern for the school paper, I was married, and I was loving life. Balancing everything seemed to give me a healthy load of stress. To me, there are two types of stress: good and bad. I was in the good.

Clark really wasn't.

It's not that he wasn't enjoying life, it's that Clark was struggling with his search. He had withdrawn from the four year college and started a degree with a community college. Then he decided that he wanted to move away from that and pursue another four year degree online. He was thinking of doing the Marine Corps as an officer. He wanted to be a pilot.

I was supportive.

I knew Clark needed to find whatever it was he was looking for. As long as he didn't stray from me and our commitment, I knew we would be ok.

However, because Clark was struggling, I had to give him more time. I had to reorganize, re-prioritize, and sometimes (a lot of the time) sacrifice things I wanted to do with friends or for school, and instead do things/spend time with him.

Many people didn't understand. I mean, 18-22 year olds aren't exactly the most mature people yet. Some of my sorority sisters barely acknowledged me simply because they all assumed I was no fun. When we went through "big-little" interviews, I got, "Oh, you're the married one!" Apparently that meant I was an old fart.

It was the same for other things outside of the sorority, too.

I missed our first date function for the sorority, homecoming, because Clark had gotten me tickets to see Michael Buble for our one year anniversary. I was beyond excited for the concert, but no one else seemed to be excited for me. It was a bigger deal that I was missing homecoming than it was for me to be going to see Michael Buble with my husband in celebration of one year of marriage.

It made me feel like I was in high school, sometimes. Like going to the school dance was more important than anything.

Over all, I'd say I did a good job. I learned what my priorities really were, as a student and a wife. Even if I made some poor decisions in the moment, I don't regret learning the "hard" way whatsoever.