"Because that's what we should all do- graduate college just to start popping out some kids."

That's what the girl across the room in my American Literature class said as her and another peer sat gossiping about me as I showed a friend the ultrasound pictures when I found out my firstborn was a boy.

I stared across the room, not sure what to do. She never looked my way, and after a few seconds of an internal battle, I let it go. It wasn't worth it, I told myself, to justify my choices and my growing family. It wasn't her business.

But the words still sting and haunt me. There have been times where I've wanted to go back and say something to her. It wouldn't matter if she really heard me or not- I just wanted the words out there.

When I was 21, my husband and I found out we were expecting our first child. In the second semester of my senior year of college, and my husband planning to finish school somewhere else once I graduated, we weren't planning to start our family. The surprise came in the form of two pink lines, though I swore that I only saw one to begin with.

20 weeks pregnant

It wasn't the plan. We were too young. We weren't ready. We were about to be broke and I was supposed to find a full time job and he was suppose to finish school and...now everything would be different.

The talks we had when planning kids had a very "traditional" ring to them. I would stay home and my husband would work full time. It's what we both wanted. I told him before we eloped at the age of 18 that the thing I wanted to do most was be a mom, and he heard me. He said he wanted that to be a possibility.

This was not the plan, or so I thought.

The idea of telling family and friends, for some reason, made me feel shameful. We were young and not in a place, in public and personal opinion, to have kids. So to have a complete stranger say something I had dreaded hearing, it burned me deep inside.

However, if I could go back to all the negative looks and comments that strangers, and even family and friends had to say, I would tell them one thing:

I want this baby.

Maybe my son wasn't born at an ideal time, but I prayed for him. Maybe my son was born when I wasn't ready to be a mother, but I became a mother for him. Maybe we didn't plan him, but God did. Maybe we were terrified, but we never thought of being selfish and seeking "other options" for a second.


My husband and I knew that once we were married, the result of us coming together as husband and wife could be a child. We knew, and we said that if anything were to happen that might not be "planned"- it would be our new plan. There was no room for negotiation. Sex leads to life, and if we weren't aware and at least mentally prepared for that possibility, we wouldn't have been doing it.

Life begins in the womb. That baby has a heartbeat, a measurement, organs-- that baby is life.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)

Today, we have two beautiful boys and another baby on the way. I can't imagine my life any differently than what it is now.

I want this baby.

It didn't matter if I'd been married for ten years or one. It didn't matter if I was scared or overwhelmed or feeling unprepared. Nothing mattered other than the life my husband and I had come together to create.

I wanted that baby.



March for Life

Thank you for teaching me that it's OK to fail. For being patient every time I said the wrong thing, or made a big mess, or yelled and stomped my feet when I didn't get my way.

Thank you for teaching me to try new foods. For being silly with me when I hid my green beans in a napkin, or didn't swallow the peas until I had milk in my mouth with them.

Thank you for teaching me how to play. To explore with my imagination. For encouraging me to take up the whole house with my Barbie villages and stuffed animals, and not getting mad if I didn't pick them up before bedtime.


Thank you for showing me how to love. You showed me that love is more than just that spark or funny feeling you get with butterflies-- it's commitment. It's work. It's only successful if everyone is willing to put forth the effort, put aside anger, and push through. Every kind of love is hard, but it's more than worth it.

Thank you for making me stick with things. With those dance lessons I wanted to quit, or the piano lessons I thought I wouldn't see through, or the silly poems and stories I started writing when I was five. I would never have risen to the occasion with all of those amazing gifts and hobbies in my life if you hadn't made me stick to them.

Thank you for always being there. It didn't matter if I disappointed you, or made you proud, or if you had a million things to do-- you were there. You always put me (and my sisters) first. You sacrificed so much to be mom, and to chauffeur us, and teach us, and tutor us, and help us, and encourage us-- and we definitely didn't do the same for you.

Thank you for teaching me to use cold water to get difficult stains out. For showing me how to separate the endless loads of laundry, and how to fold properly, and make the bed, and straighten the kitchen, and make house.

My days are now full of endless housekeeping with messy hands and three changes of clothes and crumbs and messes and two baths and places to go and people to call-- and I would never be able to handle any of it if you hadn't shown me how.

You showed me grace.

You showed me love.

And above all else, you showed me faith.

So all I can ever say, and I don't say it enough, is thank you.

Happy Mother's Day.

We are trying to do this new year right, and because of it I seem to be in a "January slump." I have all these goals I want to accomplish, which therefore leads me to feeling overwhelmed and grumpy.

Needless to say, it doesn't help my New Year's Resolutions. But I'm taking it one day at a time.

Part of the focus for this year was to remind us to be THANKFUL. It's so easy to slip away and see everything everyone else has, or wish on a star, or be grumpy because we are unable to do something. That's not how I want to raise our boys. I want them to grow up knowing how blessed they are, not just because of all they own/have or all they can do, but because God blesses them with GRACE and LOVE.

So we made a thankful jar.


I soaked an old pasta sauce jar in soapy water to get rid of the label/ wash it out. I read Michael some Bible verses and let him pick out which one he wanted to put on the jar.


Then I found this printable which is positively adorable to use for our thankful cards that we fill out every Thursday. Michael loved cutting them out and gluing everything on the jar.

(He also decorated the lid with who knows how many Minions stickers....)

At some point in the day every Thursday, we sit at the table and Michael thinks of something he's thankful for and I help him spell it out. While we've only done this twice now, Michael gets very excited when he realizes it's Thursday.

And he's not the only one that does it. We all do.

Clark and I think of something we're thankful for and fill out a card. My plan is to encourage friends and family that are over on Thursdays to do it, too.

Last year I wanted to do this but didn't think about it until about June and by then we had plenty else going on. So this year I got a kick start. I hope this habit sticks!

Our first day at Disneyland Park, we had a plan. We were going to leave our hotel by eight, get to the opening by nine, and head straight to "Peter Pan's Flight".


Because somewhere (probably on DLR Prep School) I read that's how you're supposed to do it, and a friend told me the same thing. Get there for the ribbon drop, everyone said. So that's what I wanted to do. And the park opened at nine, so leaving at eight would be enough time... right?

Wrong.

When we arrived, it took us a good 30-45 minutes to get through parking. If you're not staying at a hotel with a shuttle or monorail, plan for this. Plan for driving time-- LEAVE EARLIER! SAVE YOURSELF!

Yes, I'm being dramatic. Sorry about that. Breathe in, breathe out.

Here are the five things I learned from our first day at Disneyland, accompanied by adorable pictures, of course.

1. You're never TOO early.

The great thing about getting to Disneyland early is that you're there before the magic even begins. They'll let you in through the gates, but you stand and wait for the music to start and the "ribbon" to drop. We didn't get to witness this at Disneyland Park, only at California Adventure. But it's still something to be there for! Plus, you get to line up with the masses and then push through like you're shopping on Black Friday to get to the best rides/fast passes.


If you get there and want to mosey a bit before joining the crazy, you can walk Downtown Disney. Some of the shops are open (like The World of Disney) and there aren't as many people there so early in the morning. It's a great time to shop for souvenirs without being pushed in by the masses of people.

Also, the earlier you there, the shorter the lines. Our first day, when we did Disneyland Park, we wanted to hit "Peter Pan's Flight" because it was the ride Michael was looking forward to the most, and we could all go on it together. Well, we stood in line for around 40 minutes because we didn't get there right away and were diverted from our plan (I mean, Minnie Mouse was standing right there.

2. Know what rides you want to ride and what characters you want to meet.

Disneyland Park was kind of a nightmare for us. I went in with a list of, ideally, what order we should do things. The only problem was I had the list for Michael, not the adults. I'm not a ride person, so I was more focused on Michael meeting the characters and doing the kiddie-focused stuff. My husband, his brother and sister-in-law, however, clearly wanted to do more than just stand in line to meet Winnie The Pooh.


Because we all didn't communicate we ended up going back and forth and around and back and this way and that... I think you get my point. And we missed out on quite a few rides and things because we just couldn't get it together.

California Adventure, I made a list. I made a list of all the rides for Michael and then all the adults consulted on what they wanted to do. We got there earlier, made our way around and got the fast passes we could at different times, and rode some amazing rides with no lines because we followed our efforts.


The difference was breathtaking. I mean, we were still all dead tired, hot, and exhausted the second day-- but I couldn't help but feel a little more accomplished because we checked everything except one ride off the list and met Michael's favorite characters.

I mean, I'm not saying it was perfect, but it was a lot better than the first day.

I now know why people go to Disneyland for five days. It gives you so much more time to rest up, not stress, and still do (I would imagine) everything you want to do. Well, maybe not everything... but close.

3. Pack as lightly as you can.

We never took a "real" picture day one, and I wish we had. We left the parking lot with two strollers, two carriers, a diaper bag, a backpack... the works. My husband actually ended up running back to the car to take the carseat (because I kept telling him Levi wasn't going to ride in it, let's be real). However, he didn't take a stroller. So Clark's brother/sister-in-law ended up acting like the children were just as much theirs as ours day one because they were helping us tote around all of our stuff.

DO NOT IGNORE THIS ONE.

Pack lightly. If you're going on the summer, you're not going to need jackets. Odds are, you aren't going to need as many snacks as you think you will. Unless the weather calls for rain, leave the umbrella at the hotel. This is not a time to bring everything imaginable you think you might need. I am an over-packer. I'll admit it. But by day two, we got our crap together and it went sooooooo much more smoothly.

I mean, bring the bathing suits if you don't want to walk around wet. Bring the extra towel, or maybe extra clothes for the kids just in case. But don't bring your suitcase. My next Disney post will be full of what I personally thought were the necessities.


4. Find some shade, AC, and/or a place to put your feet up.

Disneyland over Labor Day Weekend was crazy, so I can't imagine it at the height of the season or on a "real" holiday. The crowds, plus the sun + heat, plus walking around all day... it can make a person grumpy. At the end of day one we were all feeling it. We were probably all dehydrated, starved, and in need of just somewhere to sit. While it did cool down near the end of our days, the full-fledged heat from 9am-5pm got to us.

So find somewhere to sit. We didn't do this the first day. At all. We only hit up indoor rides (like Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blaster) that gave us a moment out of the sun.

*Side Note: That ride scared Michael to pieces. It was dark and Emperor Zurg was huge, loud, and kind of terrifying even to me.*


If you can, go back to your hotel. Take a nap. Go to the pool. Do something to give yourself a break. The only reason we didn't do this is because we had to drive to the park, and we didn't want to endure parking again. The Tiki Room is supposed to be a good place to get a Dole Whip and cool down. We never did this. But at California Adventure I can recommend going to Disney Junior Live as an excellent place to cool down. Also, if you don't mind getting wet, there's a splash pad in A Bug's World.

*Another Side Note: If you can, go to the LAST show of Disney Junior Live around 4:15pm. This gives you perfect time to sit and wait for the parade in California Adventure, which was one of Michael's favorite things. You start slowing down at the right time, and you get to cool off.


5. Be prepared to "Do the Elsa" and LET. IT. GO.

I had a really hard time letting it go the first day, if I'm being honest. I'm pretty sure I made it so, if they weren't forced to stick around due to buying 3-day passes, everyone in our party would've split after the first day because of me. I'm a control freak, admittedly, so I had a hard time when we didn't follow the plan. We ate lunch at the park even though I made sandwiches, we bought snacks even though I packed some, we missed out on meeting key characters and riding rides I really wanted to get to... but at the end of the day what mattered is that Michael was still in love with the trip. He wanted to go back the next day. We had met some awesome characters, they got to go on some of the rides they wanted, and above all else-- Michael got to meet Mickey.


Day two it was probably easier for me to "let it go" because, well, we had a plan. I'm not sure it counts, I guess, since we did such a good job sticking to the said plan. But I tried to breathe more. I tried not to complain as much. I tried to be in the moment rather than focused on checking everything off the list (well... I did my best). All I know is once my husband was like, "Just do the Elsa!" (he feels super clever for coining that phrase) I found myself trying to focus on the atmosphere, not the list.

On September 7th, Michael turned four years old. It's hard to believe that we are now housing a true preschooler rather than a toddler, but he doesn't let us forget it. He likes to tell everyone, "I'm four! First I was three, now I'm four, and next year on September 7th I'm going to be five!"

Way to give Mama a heart attack, kiddo.

But when he turned four, we were much to busy for a doctor checkup because we were on a trip. Where? Well, if you saw my previous post and follow posts to come, you know that we were at DISNEYLAND.


I'm pretty sure I was just as excited as him.

Once we returned, we took him to his checkup and did our usual interview. Michael is currently 45 pounds and 42.25 inches tall. The doc said if he continues on the path he's on, he'll be around 6'1".

That's a good thing, I know. I just hope I'm prepared for that day when it comes and I have to look up at my son.



Michael's Fourth Birthday Interview
What's your whole name? Michael Clark

How old are you? Four!

When is your birthday? September 7th

What is your favorite color? Green

What is your favorite animal? Dinosaur!

What's your favorite book? Disney-Pixar storybook

What's your favorite show/movie? A Bug's Life

What's your favorite song? "Trashin' the Camp" from Tarzan

What's your favorite food? Tuna

What's your favorite drink? Apple Juice

What's your favorite breakfast food? Cheese

What's your favorite dinner? Pizza

What's your favorite snack? Goldfish


What's your favorite thing to wear? Doctor costume

What's your favorite game to play? Candyland

What's your favorite toy? Emperor Zurg

Who's your best friend? Ezekiel

What's your favorite thing to do? Go to the park

What's your favorite thing to do outside? Play with "Mighty Machines" in the dirt

What's your favorite holiday? "I like Christmas."

What do you like to take with you to bed? Wrinkles

Where's your favorite place to go? Disneyland

Where do you want to go on a vacation? Everywhere!

What do you want to be when you grow up? Astronaut and a Baseball Player


For his birthday, Michael's grandparents got him a bike. The following is the face I got when I asked him to smile for the camera:


Someone tell him to stop growing up, already.

I have never been to Disneyland or Disney World.

Correction: I had never been to Disneyland. (I still haven't been to Disney World.)


Like the crazy people we are, we decided somewhat last minute we were going to venture to Disneyland for Michael's fourth birthday. It wasn't THAT last minute, but it was last minute enough where I knew if I didn't do as much research and planning in the time that we had, that it wouldn't be "successful".

And, yes, I think a trip to Disneyland is considered a FAIL or SUCCESS. (Those posts are going to come soon.)

SO, what did I do to prep? Well, preparing// planning is probably one of my favorite things ever. Here are some of my suggestions:

1. RESEARCH

My favorite site EVER that has the ins and outs of Disneyland is DLR Prep School. It's where I found all things important, like where to get Fastpasses, the best rides for toddlers/preschoolers, and more. I seriously spent hours upon hours (on different occasions, of course) reading all this woman had to share about going to Disneyland with young kids. It was perfect.

2. MAKE A BIG DEAL

We didn't tell Michael where we were going until the morning of the day we were hitting the road. We bought him "clues", which were vague enough for a (just about) four-year-old that he didn't connect the dots. I mean, what do R2D2 and Big Hero 6 have in common? Well, they're both (now) Disney... but he wasn't about to guess that! ANYWAY. When we finally told him, Mickey Mouse called him (you can hire the same voice actor here for $5-- I highly recommend him!) and then we had a backpack full of road trip necessities, new and old, for him. You can hit up the dollar store or dollar section at Target for these types of things.

I did this for EVERY DAY. So he woke up every morning on our trip and immediately went to his backpack to see what new goodies he found inside. It ranged from activity packets, to bubbles, to glow sticks, to stickers. You name things that could keep him busy while we waited in lines or for fireworks, and it was in there.

I also made him homemade "gift cards" for each day. It included: $5 of Disney songs for the car trip, 1 Pair of Mickey Ears, 1 Toy, and 1 Birthday Cupcake (for when we were on our way home because we had to drive on his birthday). Michael loved this and it ultimately kept him from whining. I don't know if this would work for every kid, but because Michael knew his limits this kept it all in check for him!

3. DON'T WAIT UNTIL LAST MINUTE TO PLAN

Michael and I set up snack bags probably three to four days before we were actually leaving, but I wanted to be ready. I labeled larger bags with the day and then let him pick what snacks he wanted to go in bags. He had no idea what it was for, but loved mixing his snacks up into little baggies and watching me make these.

If you have older children, you can still do this, but doing it while they're in bed (or at school) so as to not give the surprise away is probably best!

4. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE POSSIBLE "FAIL"

Michael was super excited, but when he found out he was just kind of like, "Wait, what?" We kept the energy high, talking about what he wanted to do there and who he wanted to see, but he was just so overwhelmed with it all that we didn't get one of those I'm-crying-because-I'm-happy reactions-- and that's OK! But I don't just mean prep for a "mediocre" response, I mean prepare for the possibility that all your PLANNING will go down the drain the minute you get there. If you're like me, losing control and things not spanning out exactly as you had it down on paper can be more than frustrating, but ultimately Disneyland is all about the MAGIC, so you don't want the fact that all your planning still left you wanting or floundering to ruin that.

More posts to come about our trip! Stay tuned!

The other day I was doing my weekly (yes, weekly) shopping trip to Target. I was getting groceries, craft stuff... the works. Since we go to Target so frequently, we basically know some of the all the cashiers. So when I got a new guy that I'd only met once before, I was kind of looking forward to the chit-chat. Mainly because men don't typically ask the same old baby questions that the women do unless they're older. And maybe that's not true for everyone, but it tends to be for me.

But not this time.

This time I was checking out and he asked if we enjoyed the Minion movie (which I was surprised he remembered), and then went on to ask about Levi (who was nestled in the sling). How old was he now, is he bigger than Michael used to be, do I like having two boys, does he ever stay in his carseat, am I always going to wear him....


Then we got to the questions that kind of get under my skin. And when I say kind of, I mean really get under my skin. More than asking about my baby-wearing preference.

"Is he a good baby?"

I waited to see if he would elaborate, so when he didn't, I asked what he meant.

"Does he sleep at night?" he smiled.

Realizing this is a stereotypical question, I took a deep breath, swallowed my rant, and answered him, "He'll sleep for a good six hours, which is pretty amazing for a two-month-old."

I started staring at my wallet, even though I had my Red Card at the ready in my hand.

"Well, I guess that's nice. Does he sleep in the crib?" He stopped scanning groceries as though he was just waiting for my answer before he could commence work.

I guess I had finally had it. Complete strangers asking me what our sleeping arrangements were, or if I breastfeed, or if we are planning to do this, that, or the other. I was so over people thinking it was their business as to how I'm raising my children.

And while all this is going on, Michael's sitting in the cart chatting away to anyone who passed, showing them his space Goldfish. I smiled at him, like somehow I was defending our family, and turned back to the cashier.

"No, we cosleep. It's so much easier. I can just roll over and give him the boob whenever he's hungry."

You know that emoji with the WIDE EYES and pinched mouth? That's the face he made. If you don't. It's something like this: o_O.

Thinking that was the end of it, I started putting bags in the cart. Part of me was ashamed, talking to a stranger like that... and the other part of me was proud. Proud that I had finally told someone just how I felt about the ridiculous questions into my personal parenting life.

But it wasn't the end of it.

"So, are you all in the bed?"

I couldn't even look at him. I was sure fire would burst from my eyes in an inexplicable manner that had never happened before. Instead, I looked at Michael.

"Hey, Goose? Who sleeps in our bed?"

He grinned, like he was over-the-moon that he knew the answer. "Mama, Michael, Levi, and Dada."

The cashier looked horrified. This time I looked at him and smiled. "It's a king sized bed. The more the merrier, right?"

He didn't say anything after that.

I checked out as quickly as I could and left with a smile, but I had mixed feelings about what I'd done.


Don't get me wrong. There are most many nights that I wish Michael was in his own bed by now. And just as many that I wish we could put Levi in his crib. But that's not who I am as a mother, and not how we work as a family.

If you ask me if I have a good baby, or if my baby is a good sleeper, than usually my answer is simple: yes. Because my baby cries when he needs me, eats when he's hungry, and sleeps as long as he can. If a complete stranger expects to be given the inside scoop, have me complain that my almost four-year-old smacked me in the face the previous night or my co-sleeping baby leaked on our sheets and I just put a towel down because I didn't want to wake the whole family to strip the bed-- then that stranger is out of his/her mind.

Why?


Because, yes, those things happen. But I still love our decision-- and that's what it is. It's our decision, my husband's and mine, as parents. And calling our baby a "good baby" is ridiculous. Because he isn't "good" to me-- he's perfect, whether he sleeps through the night or not.

I'm not sure how we got here so quickly!

Levi was two months old on August 8th. He is now 10lbs 13oz (he gained two pounds in a month!) and 22.5 inches long (he grew an inch in a month!). He is completely obsessed with his hands, his play mat, and his big brother. A sound sleeper, he'll be completely zonked but if Michael says anything above a normal volume level, Levi's eyes will flutter and he'll look for his big brother. It's absolutely adorable. He loves to "talk", smile, and drool as much as he can.

When we had to go anywhere in the car it used to be stressful, but these days Levi has been sleeping nicely when we drive (Praise the Lord!). His crying has a slow progression from frustrated to angry, and it's not always slow. Overall he's a patient fellow... unless he wants to be held or is hungry (aren't all babies like this?).

And, what hasn't changed? His favorite thing is to be held and cuddled in the sling. If he could spend all day in someone's my arms, he would.

The last time I blogged I vowed to go ten days without technology. With that being said, I meant "screen time"-- Michael playing games on the phone, or watching TV, or watching anything for that matter. And although I ended up turning on the TV, I would call this cleanse/experiment a success.

Here are five things I learned:


1. I payed attention more. Let's be real. It's super easy to get sucked in to doing things and letting our littles watch TV or play a game on the phone. While getting into the groove of having two little guys, I found myself letting Michael watch more and more, or play more and more, just to get a moment of peace-- or get five minutes to talk with the hubs without being interrupted. This isn't always a bad thing (wait for the next thing I learned!), but doing it every day, multiple times (a number I'm too ashamed to share) IS.

So, when cutting out the middle-man-babysitter that is the TV or game, I realized that I listened more to Michael. I payed attention more. I didn't think the silly things he was doing were annoying or too loud. In fact, most of them were REALLY silly... and I had been missing them. It takes a lot for to admit on here that I had started missing out on Michael once Levi was born. Now I'm finding a much better balance.

2. It's OK to need a moment. By Day Four, I needed a moment. I had to reset. Admittedly, I was texting a lot of people and trying to get in some grown-up communication (does texting count?) with some friends when Michael asked for a show and I gave in. But I saw it. I knew what it was. It was that I was staring at a screen, which can't seem like communication to an almost-four-year-old, so he wanted to zone out, too.

But then on Day Seven when Michael watched a movie, I didn't feel guilty for not sticking it out. In fact, I realized it was OK for me to let him watch a show in order for us to both have some down time/ quiet time. We did A LOT (which is coming next), so I didn't feel guilty when I needed a moment. Unlike beforehand, when I felt guilty because I KNEW he was watching too much TV.


3. We got out more. No TV meant having more of a plan, and it worked so well in our favor. We were up early every morning, and I couldn't turn on the TV to get a moment to wake up... so we would walk to the park instead. Or play in the sprinkler. Or go to the library. Or go to the store and walk around (which can be dangerous, I know). But it made me feel so much better to get out and be active and DO MORE. Getting out didn't always mean getting in the car, but it did mean finding more ways to exercise our brains/bodies. And I loved it.

4. We snacked less and slept more. As soon as our ten-day-challenge ended, I am sad to admit I gave in almost immediately and turned the tube back on a bit too much. But after that ONE DAY of giving in, we went back to cutting out the screens. Because neither of us liked it.

I realized that when the TV was on, we were both more inclined to think we were hungry and snack. And snack. And snack. But when it was off, we were so busy we weren't thinking that we WANTED to eat (because that's what most of it was).

And if the TV was on a lot, we didn't sleep as well. When he wasn't dependent on shows and movies as babysitters, we were doing more and that meant we were sleeping more (and better!). Granted, we went to bed earlier and got up earlier... but I really didn't mind it that much. It just meant adjusting our schedules.

5. I had to have a plan. I will openly admit that I'm a planner, and yet I'm awful at planning. When it comes to Michael's routine, I used to just go with the flow and nothing seemed to work out. Knowing there wasn't going to be TV to fill in the gaps meant finding more things to do. We did experiments, learned to play more games, cleaned more, talked more... there was so much MORE when there was less technology.

But the point was: I had to have a plan.

I had "extras" for the week in case one of our days lagged, or gave in to baking even though I'm trying to eat better. It meant making choices and following through with what I said we were going to do. There was no, "Well, we can't go outside so we'll watch a show." It was "It's too hot outside, so how about we make something special." That "something special" was anything from a craft to cookies. But it was worth the mess, and ultimately part of the plan.


The conclusion of all this is: WE SURVIVED! And we are better for it. Reviewing this post I realize how dumb some of this sounds. I mean, DUH. But I had given in. It's so easy to lose track when you watch more TV, or hand over your phone or the video games. We live in a technological time, after all.

I'm not saying technology for kids is a bad thing by any means. I'm SO not one of those people.

But I am saying that portion control (why can't I think of any other phrase for it?) is everything. Because if I gave in and let Michael watch as much TV as he used to ask for, then his brain would "turn to mush" and I wouldn't be parenting. At least, that's my opinion. I'm so thankful for my boys and every minute I get to spend with them. Somewhere along the way, I started forgetting that and just started focusing on what I "needed" rather than the big picture of parenthood/family.

I can say that if we lose track of what we learned (which I sincerely hope we don't), I'll be more ready and willing to do this again.

This weekend my husband and I came to the dreadful horrifying conclusion that we are on/around technology too much when we were at the Giants vs Diamonbacks game and Michael asked to play a game on my phone.

Since we both have to use the computer and our phones for work, and then we enjoy games/social media/TV shows as well...well...we look at screens a lot. So when Michael started watching a few too many shows, or asking more than he used to to play games on our phones, we decided it was time for a change.

For the next ten days, we are trying to go without any tv or computer/phone games. I'll still be checking in, but only at the end of the day once the kiddos are asleep (and maybe with my morning coffee). It's going to be a hard habit to break, but I figured if we quit cold turkey for a little while it would help us refocus. For the next ten days I'm going to get myself in check, and REALLY focus on what's most important. Because, let's face it-- it's easy to get sucked in. And I would much rather have more moments with fewer pictures and likes and screen time, then I would to have the pictures but not the TRUE feelings of the memories.


Say a prayer for me. Wish me luck. All those good things. This is going to be a loooong week.

Little Levi was born on June 8th, and since then has been nothing but joy. While it feels like it's just been a few days, we had to take him in for his one-month check up. Little man has grown two inches (now 21.5), put on a pound (plus more if you can't weight lost in the hospital: now 8lbs, 13oz), and is on track developmentally. He smiled for the first time on July 4th which was way too exciting, and is now starting to really take in the world around him. He absolutely loves his big brother Michael, who returns the affection. Michael cannot walk by his baby brother without giving him a kiss, and is worried if he's in the swing or sling for too long. He will also try to sing to Levi if he's screaming crying in the car, which melts my heart like you would not believe. And though Levi still prefers being held over being put down, we don't mind one bit taking turns cuddling him.

When I shared my labor story the other day (or rather my false alarms story), what I didn't mention was receiving an email is what convinced me to go to the hospital.

No, I'm not crazy. Yes, I'm completely totally almost serious.

Let me explain.

My CP and BFF Nikki said she was certain that once I went into labor, I would get an offer from a literary agent. And when my contractions were still going, I got an email from Jessica S. of Golden Wheat Literary asking me a lot of questions about my manuscript (BROKEN BEYOND THE MEADOW) and asked if I had any other projects.

Jessica had favorited a pitch of mine during #PitMad in March, and by the end of the month had requested my full. Although she had technically found me, I had been planning on querying her if she didn't find my tweets/pitches during #PitMad. While I was in pain, I had a momentary, "THIS IS IT!" moment.

Once Levi was born, Jessica tweeted me and told me not to worry about the email. But, I mean, I was way too excited to listen to her.

Never mind that I just gave birth, I had an agent asking some very intriguing questions! So, after coming home from the hospital, I emailed her almost immediately.

Ok, ok... it was something like 72 hours after or something like that.

Annnnnyyyyyyway. It wasn't that long at all before she emailed me back and told me she was interested in representing me.

I. Flipped. Out.


As did my husband, my mom (who was in town), Nikki (over the phone), and just about everyone else that I told. I was over the moon. But, of course, I had to go through a phone call first.

I have to admit, talking to Jessica was the best part. We really seemed to click. Even though she kept telling me she was rambling, it made me even more excited because I could tell she was just as enthusiastic about my book as I was. We talked for over an hour, and when it was done I wanted to accept her on the spot.

But I had other agents to notify. So I asked for a week to decide, and then I got to work. The time seemed to drag as I waited to hear from other agents and talked to other clients of Jessica's. All her clients sang praises, but still I waited. After praying about it, talking about it with my husband/CP/family/close friends, and going through one other call, a few rejections, and an email offer...I was even more sure in my initial decision.


It's very surreal to realize that all this actually happened. As an author, I have definitely dreamed of the day I would get to accept representation. And now that day has come! All I can say is I am truly humbled and feel so blessed by this opportunity.

So here's the official announcement:

I am now represented by Jessica Shmeidler of Golden Wheat Literary.