Hey, Mrs. Grumpy-Gills

6:00 AM

For the last week, something had a hold of me and I still can't seem to shake it. I have been in a bad mood. ALL THE TIME.

OK... that may be an exaggeration. After all, last week we did have a wonderful water-date with some awesome friends, and I had a great time at Bible study. Even so, I felt like all I was doing was complaining or staying silent. Something was just really itching under my skin. I couldn't figure out what it is.

I know we all get into these moods sometimes. Like things just aren't good enough. We need more. We deserve more.

Don't you just hate feeling like that? Because we KNOW BETTER.

I know I have what I need. The Lord provides.

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 (NLT)

Still I have this nagging feeling. Like I'm still in limbo. Just WAITING for the next step to happen. We've been this way for some time, not going to lie. I have to continuously remind myself to enjoy the NOW. Enjoy where Michael is. Enjoy watching him grow. Stop focusing on the fact that we don't have a fenced in back yard, or that our house is starting to feel too small, or that Michael doesn't sleep on his own, or that I can't do everything I want to do. ENJOY. STOP WORRYING.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

I've been feeling very overwhelmed. Like I need a vacation. Then I feel like an awful mom who should have duct tape over her mouth so she doesn't say that out loud. A BREAK? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How dare you.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-29 (NIV)

I haven't been good this past week. I didn't turn to God in my times of frustration, or weariness. I wanted to depend on myself. I wanted to COMPLAIN. To be selfish. The horrible part of it is I knew I was doing it. I am, and there is none besides me.

Remember that? Those words have been running through my mind for the past week and I kept wanting to say saying, "Yeah, SO WHAT?!"

So? I've been anxious. I've been grumpy. I've been angry. And this past week was such a waste because if I had just cried out to Jesus, things would have gotten better. I would have rested, been more at ease, been at peace... and it would have saved me a lot of time, guilt, and headaches.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6 (NIV)

Sad thing is, I know I haven't learned my lesson. This may not happen again for quite some time, but it will happen again. I err. I'm so thankful God sent His ONE and ONLY Son so that I may live eternally, regardless of my humanity.

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
Romans 5:1-5 (NLT)

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