Super Stay-At-Home-Mom/Wife

2:11 PM

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The New Myth of the Stay At Home Mom.

Read that blog post and tell me you don't laugh, or agree for that matter. It's definitely my generation that's taking over as the new SAHMs.

After reading that article, it completely got to me.

I realized that many things I do these days is simply to keep up with others. The fact that I went to college for Creative Writing and truly hope to make a living out of it someday means nothing when there are so many who went to school for random things and blog as well.

Everyone can blog.

I realized that the new SAHM fashion is to blog. To be an entrepreneur. To be "perfect plus". Every mom has to write about her life. Every mom has to do crafts. Every wife has to do something that makes her look like the perfect wife and mother.

For those who aren't mothers yet, they find ways to seem perfect otherwise. A career, outside or inside the home. A clean house. Dinner on the table. Perfect.

My friends, it doesn't exist.

As Kate confesses to dirt and mess and black coffee, every SAHM has something that isn't perfect. Every SAHM has something that's making them appear perfect.

I'll admit, I started this blog that way.

I hoped to portray the 21st Century Stay At Home Wife and Mother. However, I wanted to portray this character as perfect. A Leave-It-To-Beaver-50s-Reincarnated-Wife.

I soon realized that was impossible.

I started off with a category called "Through the Lens". I did this because so many women that I went to high school with were starting their own photography businesses. They were all making money being creative. So, I thought maybe if I took up photography it would lead to my writing being noticed.

Don't get me wrong. I still want to learn the ins and outs of photography, but I want to learn because I want to be able to capture my children/family as it grows, not really to make a business out of it.

Then I thought I should take up crocheting. Many of my friends and high school classmates were taking up crochet or knitting projects. I mean, they can make baby blankets and hats and this and that and I wanted to be that good.

Turns out I'm not. I do not have the knack for sewing or crocheting no matter how hard I try.

Also, when I started out the blog, I had an "Around the House" category. I soon learned that I really didn't have "around the house" tips to share.

I am an awful house-keeper.

When I say that, I mean that I'm awful at keeping my house clean. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I just don't see it as important sometimes. The dust will gather and the dog hair will accumulate and the bed will go unmade and the washed/dried laundry will hang out in our rocking chair until I finally get some time to dedicate to it.

The two places I'm paranoid about are my kitchen and my bathroom. Other than that, everything piles up until it finally gets to me. Then I explode and go into nagging-and-cleaning-mode. Ask Clark. It's very true. So, I stopped trying to pretend that I'm good at keeping my house cleaning. Someday "Around the House" may return, but only when I have a house and I can write about decorating.

I LOVE decorating. I HATE cleaning.

I realized after a while that I had to stop comparing myself to all these acquaintances/friends/strangers and just be myself. If I strive to constantly be others or do what others are doing, than I am just any other blogging SAHM. I don't want to be one of "them". I want to be ME. I want my voice to be discovered and I really hope, someday, I'll make a break and will actually be published.

After all, if Snooki can write a book, I'm pretty dang sure I have a chance.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that some people aren't legitimately talented. I'm not saying that some aren't legitimately crafty. I'm not saying that if you went to school to be a teacher or doctor or whatever, you don't have the right to blog or do something else that you're interested in. That's not what I'm saying at all.

What I'm saying is I'm not competing. I'm just doing what I want to do and I'm going to stop worrying about what "they" are doing.

I think the Super SAHMs exist because for a while women were all into careers. Some women still are. There's nothing wrong with that. But if you go to college, or you get married young, or you decide that once you're married you want to stay home-- some people, some women look down on you for that.


So, the Super SAHMs came into being. They decided that they would show a clean house, intelligent and well groomed children, perfectly cooked dinners and pies, PLUS something else. Whether it's crocheted blankets, a photography business, new recipes, or whatever. It's like my generation feels like it's not OK to be "just" a SAHM. We have to be SUPER SAHMs.

So, here's my deal.

* I use cloth diapers.

* I make almost all of Michael's baby food.

* I BF and give Michael formula and I'm not ashamed of it. He needed the formula to gain weight, and now he's used to it. As long as he's a happy and healthy baby, I don't care what he drinks.

* Michael still sleeps with us. I am a little concerned about his napping habits, but other than that his sleep will develop with his age. When he's ready to sleep in his crib, he will.

* I like a clean kitchen and a clean bathroom. Everything else... it'll happen eventually.

* I'm really not interested in making laundry detergent or cleaners at home.

* I cannot crochet. Thus far I haven't had any luck at sewing. But I do like crafts.

* I am not a professional cook, but that is one craft I want to continue to learn.

* I am very interested in anything that has to do with books. Reading parenting books, writing stories from my point of view, and other things. Writing is what I want to do with my life, and blogging is just one way to do that right now.

* I lose my patience. When we've had a few rough days in a row, I tend to have to find a time to put Michael down, give him to Clark, or just find a way to have a little peaceful time to myself.

* I sometimes have to remind myself that the excess weight I still have is there because I have a beautiful baby boy, and I'll lose it eventually.

* I am constantly looking things up via google, or asking my mom or sister, or looking in Dr. Sears's baby book because I'm already paranoid about everything that could possibly be wrong with Michael.

* Dust doesn't bother me. I dust so Clark doesn't die of allergies (and because it's probably not very healthy to have it lying around). But it doesn't bother me until people visit. Then it bothers me.

* At least once a week I give in and we order pizza or get salads or frozen meals because I just don't want to cook.

This list of confessions could go on, so I'll just stop here. I really think I've made my point :).

So, are you a SUPER SAHM, or just going with the flow and doing what you want to do? Or do the two collide together to make you?

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2 comments

  1. Dr. Sears was my hero--way back in 1984!! He was the one "expert" and the ONLY person to advocate for co-sleeping. Reading his words made me realize I did not have to apologize for letting my baby sleep with me! You sound happy and comfortable with who you are-- and coming from a SAHM from the previous generation who now works full time-- you will never regret your choice!!

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  2. I totally agree with this post! I read something a while back that was similar. It had to do with wives and moms spending more time trying to make their life look perfect through status updates and pictures than enjoying their life.
    I must confess that I am still working on not comparing myself with the Super SAHMs you see all over the blogging world!

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