I know I have several posts on my body-after-baby and getting in shape and clean eating and so on and so forth and so on....

Yeah. I know.

Part of it is because body care is so important to me. Sometimes you wouldn't know it. I mean, it's not like I'm some built muscular female, or a super thin model, but I do try to pay attention to what goes into my body. What's good for you. What's not. This is not to say I don't enjoy my pizza or ice cream like any other person. I just... I try.

But the key word in all of that is try.

I am not the person for anyone to look to when it comes to clean eating. My 100 Days of Real Food journey ended at about 30. I was so tired and got sick of trying to make everything myself and keep up with it all, that I gave up. I hate hearing the excuse that, "eating organic is too expensive"... but I was making that excuse. It didn't matter that the site has a budget-friendly plan... I was tired. Trying to get Michael to eat all these new foods (that are clearly better for him than his Gerber puffs) and fighting him on all of it was sucking all my energy, so I gave up.

You may remember when I did the one post on Made to Crave. I was so into it and realizing this journey that I felt God was putting before me, which inspired my 100 Days of Real Food kick. Well, exhaustion and taking part in multiple Bible studies and getting involved and making friends lead me away from the book. I stopped looking at it like a spiritual journey and thought, "I will accept my body, and in time it will return to where I want it to be."

Well, as we all know our bodies don't magically change. It does take work. Being active and healthy is a lifestyle choice, not just something that happens overnight.

Then I found this verse:
Photo taken from the Proverbs 31 Ministries Facebook Page.

Now, I'm sure that this verse has multiple meanings on so many different levels, but it spoke to me about my eating and exercise habits. If I don't take care of my body, what does that mean with my relationship with God?

This is where I was headed with my Made to Crave. Food is a struggle with me. It always has been. Since I was little I have battled over-eating and emotionally-eating and more. When I am in a hard situation, or have had a bad day, I honestly don't turn to God most of the all the time. I turn to food. Cookies, chips, chocolate chips, bread, juice... it doesn't even have to be something I really, truly want or like. If it's in the house, it's fair game.

What does this mean about my relationship with God?

It means I'm cheating on Him with food.

Maybe you disagree, and maybe you're rolling your eyes. All I can say, is that lately I've really been fighting this battle again. I have yet to figure out if I'm winning or losing.

The pint of strawberries and 1/4 bag of chocolate chips that's missing from last night to me says I'm losing. But that could be me being too hard on myself...maybe?

This is not a post about promising a new diet fad, or saying I'm picking up the "real food" challenge again. It's simply me confessing one of the hardest things I'm always facing: food.

Food. I love food. I love cooking, baking, photographing, and eating it. It is an indulgence that I always give into.

For my #TBT I'm sharing three pictures of me at my "best". Times where I was exercising daily, eating healthy foods, and paying attention to my body in general. While these pictures (and others) offer motivation sometimes, it isn't enough. I think keeping in mind that I want to keep my body healthy and available for God's use is, but it is something I must remind myself daily. This isn't just about food. For me, it's a spiritual battle. Choosing God over the deceptively delicious packaged foods that offer "comfort" when I'm struggling.


What do you struggle with the most?

(Imagine from Amazon.com) Let me start off by saying that I'm just in the beginning pages of this book. I'm not sure how I'll feel about it once I get further in, but I have a feeling that my attitude will only get better, not worsen.

As you may know from past posts such as my Power-Pushes, Realities, and my Super-Stay-At-Home-Mom/Wife, I have some self-image issues. Everyone these days does, and it seems more and more "popular" to admit it. Well, here I am doing just that. I've done it time and time again. And as you may have noticed, I still haven't reached my goal-weight or started making any true healthier decisions. I mean, I've been exercising when I can and not eating certain things, but I haven't been making it a priority.

Well, within the first few pages this book addressed that issue.

"But the thought of taking the plunge and signing up for another diet made me want to sit down and cry. And eat. And cry some more. Then eat some more. Well, you get the not-so-flattering picture."


This. Is. So. ME.

I keep saying over and over again that I'm going to start. That I'm going to get better. That I'm going to DO something. The thing is, I haven't really been in it. My focus has been everywhere it shouldn't be. I have been consumed by so many unimportant things that I keep forgetting the most important thing ever.

My relationship with God.

This book is all about curving my cravings. We were "made to crave"... but we were made to crave God.

"How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty! My soul yearns, event faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God," (Psalm 84:1-2).


I am not saying that this book is my perfect-fix. In fact, the author even points out that's not what the book is for. It's there to help me confront myself and what I'm lacking, what I'm letting consume me, and help me re-focus.

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Fahter is not in him. For everything in the world-- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes, and the boasting of what he has and does-- comes not from the Father but from the world," (1 John 2:15-16).

There are so many things that this can be applied to in my life, honestly. Here I am being completely open and honest and hoping I don't scare away some of you readers. While this book is mainly for my diet, here are a couple other things I want to use its guidelines and such for.

1. My physical health. This includes diet choices, exercise, and so forth. While Christmas time may seem like the worst place to start, that also makes it the best. Never fear... I'll still be making and sharing wonderful sweets for you to enjoy/bake, but I have a feeling slowly but surely I may be making the super-horrible-not-worth-it ones less and less.

2. My mental health. I've been watching WAY too much TV. Which is funny, considering we don't have cable. Still I'll find things on Netflix or Hulu and watch entire series when I'm bored. OK, that's an exaggeration, but still. I feel like the TV takes away my focus on my family and my life, and I really need to work on that.

3. My attitude. This may fall into line with my mental health, but I have such an attitude problem sometimes. I need to stop worrying about people judging me and just be who I am meant to be through Christ.

4. My spiritual relationship. Boy have I been lacking. While we attend church (every now and then, if I'm being honest), we aren't involved. I need to find a way to be involved and start setting an example for Michael while lifting and mending my own spirit as well. Even if this makes me uncomfortable at first (I always seem to skulk in social situations I'm introducing myself into), it is a need.

Well, there you have it. I hope you'll embark on this journey with me, if not by just supporting me through posts that may relate.

I figured out where I got "power-push".

In "The Firm" workout, every time you get to the end of the move, where you put it into half-time or whatever, she calls it your "power-push". That little extra something to get your heart rate up.

That's where it comes from.

Yesterday I successfully did the whole The Firm Bootcamp video. My plan had been to do it twice a week, every week this month. I think I've done it twice this month total.

Sadly Michael has been in a funk. It makes it really hard to prepare healthier meals and exercise more when Michael won't let me put him down and Clark's working more so he's not home.

I guess, in reality, it's preparation. I mean, when Clark has a "real" job, it's not like he's going to be home all the time to help me out. That being said, I think I've learned that I have a lot of work to do to get myself in a healthier lifestyle.

I gained a pound this past week, sadly. We definitely haven't been doing our best. While we've been walking and eating healthier meals, the sweets still tend to sneak into our house... or rather one of us *cough*Clark*cough* brings them into our house.

The other night we had brownies for the first time in almost a year. Sad. Horrible. Pathetic.

Oh, but they were so tasty.

Apparently I was wrong in thinking that blogging would help keep me accountable. Of course, it isn't truly this month's fault. It just happens that there's this extra 10 to 15 pounds that I cannot shake.

Which isn't fair to say because I know, for a fact, that it's my eating that needs to improve.

So how do I do it? How do we just cut out all the bad stuff? Even if it is a slow process... for example, Clark has cut out french fries. Well, we've both cut them out, but I don't eat them that much at all, so it really doesn't count.

How can I cut out chocolate? I can't.

How can I cut out muffins, breads, cupcakes, cookies, cakes....? I can't.

I suppose the correct response would be, I don't know how.

Even if I try to revert to my extreme diet that I did in high school (well, The South Beach Diet), I don't see it working. Plain nuts make me gag at this point because I ate them so much then. Sugar free stuff makes my stomach ache and gives Michael gas (and, I imagine, a stomach ache as well). Just fruits, veggies, meats, and a little bit of dairy doesn't seem to fuel me with half the energy I need to keep up with my son.

So what do I do?

Yesterday we went hiking. Five miles in about three hours, which isn't bad considering it used to take us 2.5 hours to do five miles. And we had Michael with us. And we stopped for lunch.


It was very empowering.

It definitely picked up my mood.

This blog has taken me about two days to write, so if it goes from negative-nelly to positive-peggy that's why.

Last night, after a family-filled day, Clark and I had a chat. We talked about what we wanted to work on physically with ourselves, and even let the other have a say. I do think it's incredibly important to always be attracted to your spouse. After all, if you're not... what happens then? So, we're making plans. Plans to exercise together. Plans to improve our eating. Plans for being more responsible with money.

We're planning. And I really think that's going to help me continue with my "power-push"... or perhaps really start it.

Once again, I tend to be behind the camera more than in front of it. I promise pictures come August 1st.

Advice is still greatly appreciated!

See Power-Push #1 and Power-Push #2 to get the whole scoop!

This is my attempt to still keep myself accountable to my previous blog, Power-Push #1. We'll see how this goes.

So, it probably wasn't a fabulous idea to start my Power Push when we were headed off to visit Clark's family. My family it probably wouldn't be such a problem with. However... Clark's family doesn't exactly eat healthily, nor are they influenced to do so, either. It also didn't help that there were "two" holidays (Fourth of July, and Pop's Birthday) within our vacation. And a trip to the beach.

Ugh.

The good news is I haven't gained weight at all this month.

The bad news is I haven't lost any, either.

This month, though, is not just about losing weight. It's about changing our lifestyle. Clark and I started out rough, got better, and then got worse when I was pregnant.

Note to those who are pregnant: don't use it as an excuse to eat anything.

That's what I did. I know that's why I gained so much weight. All of a sudden it seemed like an easy way to do what I want. I kept telling myself, "I've lost a lot of weight before, I can do it again."

Within that reminder I forgot to tell myself that previously it had taken me all four years of high school to successfully get where I wanted to be.

Oops.

I have successfully managed to be more active. One thing our vacation did do is get me up and moving about more, since it wasn't like Michael and I just had the house to ourselves. Excessive alcohol hasn't been difficult to give up, either.

More exercise hasn't quite panned out the way I wanted... but, hey, everything takes time, right? The fact that the weather has been working against me and my back has been hurting for whatever reasons seem like viable excuses. For now, at least.

I guess I won't go into detail about all of my giving-ups and focusing-ons... but I actually have been doing rather well for the past 15 days.

I wish I had pictures for today, but Clark had to get up early and leave for work. So I'll post pictures from our beach trip for now and post again in a few days with current pictures.




I'm planning to do better. As long as I can get my butt in gear by the end of this month, I'll be a happy camper. And when I say that, I mean get into a better routine of healthier foods and a good amount of exercise. While having a baby makes things harder, it's definitely not an excuse... that's something else I have to keep reminding myself of.

Suggestions? Books? Blogs? Websites? Hit me with what you got! I'm definitely open to anything you can offer me.

Happy July!

I've started off every month since Michael was born saying, "This is the month!" (If not to others than to myself.)

By that I meant, this is the month I'm going to really start losing weight. This is the month I'm going to get my body back. This is the month I'm going to return to who I was (physically) before Michael was born.

Well, the truth of it is: none of those months were "the month".

Some women are blessed and get their body back in a number of a few short months. Many people say, "9 months to gain, 9 months to lose". Neither of those have been true for me.

Here Michael is just about 10 months old and I'm carrying probably ten to fifteen pounds still that don't belong.

So I thought what better way to keep myself accountable than to blog about it.

I'm not sure where I came up with the idea of a "Power-Push". For whatever reason it sounds catchy and makes complete sense to me. If it doesn't to you... well... just bear with me.

This month I'm cutting some things out and adding more of the good stuff. I kept saying before that I was going to do this, and for whatever reason it just didn't stick. Not even for lent. I kept saying I'd do this, even have a friend who has been keeping me in check, but still I have my moments and just keep them to myself.

When I say moments, I mean a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's or way too many chips or fast food or what have you. It's so easy to give into things that are easy when you have a child. The women that kept saying, "Take it from someone who knows." Well... perhaps I should have listened to them a little more.

Here's what I'm giving up for the month of July:

1. Alcohol
Don't take this the wrong way. We definitely don't drink like fish at our house. I mean more or less that when Clark and I go out on our dates, or want to "celebrate" something, it's not going to be done with alcohol. Besides, that's money wasted, too.

2. Fast Food (except when traveling)
It's so easy to go out and run errands and decide we'll get McDonald's rather than go home for the planned salad or healthy sandwich. Clark grew up in a family that gave in so easily to the temptation of the golden arches or the purple bell... so I'm stopping that here and now when it comes to just being out and about around town. Traveling is a little different... but we can at least get Subway or something when we travel.

3. Excuses
I make excuse after excuse about not exercising or giving in to some junk food. "I'm not in the mood," or "There's too much to do," or "I can't cook when there's this big of a mess." I blame everything and everyone for my inability to get off my butt and turn on an exercise video, or go outside for a walk, or get up and go to the gym. This month, that's not going to cut it.

4. Ridiculous Serving Sizes
Clark and I tend to overeat. We sit there and say how hungry we are, so we eat four servings between the two of us. This month I'm really sticking to proper portions. Six small meals a day to fill me up (three meals, three snacks if you want to put it that way). I'm going to stop overeating on the pasta, rice, or even ground turkey and start eating the correct portions of all the good stuff that I need.

5. Fattening, Sugary Sweet, and Over-the-top Recipes
Don't worry. I'll still be blogging about yummy deliciousness that you may want, but that doesn't mean I need to indulge. I'm going to avoid eating what I cook (or at least only trying one so I know they taste good). The rest will be given to neighbors, friends, coworkers, and so forth. I'll let them enjoy it, and I'll keep working towards my weight loss/ muscle gain goals.

Here's what I'm focusing on/ aiming for during the month of July:

1. More Exercise
I used to be so good at making myself exercise at least five times a week. When I was in high school, my mom and I would walk pretty much every day after school or every day during the summer. I'd also come up with a strict weight work out for myself. As time passed, I seemed to "relax" more and more. When I was pregnant, I pretty much gave up hope because of my swelling. Now I seem to slip into the mindset of "it will come off eventually", but the weight won't come off unless I work it off. So, I'm definitely coming up with an exercise schedule and sticking to it.

2. More Veggies
It seems I've stopped snacking on things like carrots and celery and grown more accustomed to anything from trail mix to muffins. Carbs. I eat WAY too many carbs. This isn't saying I'm cutting them out, I'm just making it a goal to replace one to two of my typical carb binges to something that's green... or at least in the vegetable family.

3. More Activity
This is not to be confused with #1 (More Exercise). More activity means doing more. I mean reading more, crafting more, being outside more, playing with Michael more... more activity. I tend to get in this mindset that I have nothing to do and I lounge around, even when Michael is giving me a break (by napping or eating happily in his high chair). I need to DO more. This also isn't to say that taking a break sometimes isn't necessary, but I tend to take more breaks than I really need to.

4. Positive Attitude
It's true I've become a Negative Nelly. I come up with all the possible "what-ifs" and then get depressed and become an emotional eater. I'll eat anything I want, because I'm in a bad mood. Well, what if I wasn't? I'm devoting more time to devotionals and less time to dwelling on the infinite "what ifs". Trusting God is a big one. While I may say I trust Him, I feel like if I was trusting him whole heartedly I wouldn't be so dang stressed and negative all the time.

5. Healthier Recipes
Since I'm giving up lots of the sugar, I plan on replacing it with more creative ideas that are healthy but still meet my sweet cravings. After all, I'm only human. I should say, I'm only female. Craving chocolate or any sort of sweet once in a while is the way I am, and therefore I need to find ways to meet that (once again) without indulging in things like Cooke Brownie Cupcakes.

To wrap this blog up, I'm going all out and posting my "Day 1" pictures. As these were taken before I had a shower, please forgive the fact that my head is cropped out...