"Because that's what we should all do- graduate college just to start popping out some kids."

That's what the girl across the room in my American Literature class said as her and another peer sat gossiping about me as I showed a friend the ultrasound pictures when I found out my firstborn was a boy.

I stared across the room, not sure what to do. She never looked my way, and after a few seconds of an internal battle, I let it go. It wasn't worth it, I told myself, to justify my choices and my growing family. It wasn't her business.

But the words still sting and haunt me. There have been times where I've wanted to go back and say something to her. It wouldn't matter if she really heard me or not- I just wanted the words out there.

When I was 21, my husband and I found out we were expecting our first child. In the second semester of my senior year of college, and my husband planning to finish school somewhere else once I graduated, we weren't planning to start our family. The surprise came in the form of two pink lines, though I swore that I only saw one to begin with.

20 weeks pregnant

It wasn't the plan. We were too young. We weren't ready. We were about to be broke and I was supposed to find a full time job and he was suppose to finish school and...now everything would be different.

The talks we had when planning kids had a very "traditional" ring to them. I would stay home and my husband would work full time. It's what we both wanted. I told him before we eloped at the age of 18 that the thing I wanted to do most was be a mom, and he heard me. He said he wanted that to be a possibility.

This was not the plan, or so I thought.

The idea of telling family and friends, for some reason, made me feel shameful. We were young and not in a place, in public and personal opinion, to have kids. So to have a complete stranger say something I had dreaded hearing, it burned me deep inside.

However, if I could go back to all the negative looks and comments that strangers, and even family and friends had to say, I would tell them one thing:

I want this baby.

Maybe my son wasn't born at an ideal time, but I prayed for him. Maybe my son was born when I wasn't ready to be a mother, but I became a mother for him. Maybe we didn't plan him, but God did. Maybe we were terrified, but we never thought of being selfish and seeking "other options" for a second.


My husband and I knew that once we were married, the result of us coming together as husband and wife could be a child. We knew, and we said that if anything were to happen that might not be "planned"- it would be our new plan. There was no room for negotiation. Sex leads to life, and if we weren't aware and at least mentally prepared for that possibility, we wouldn't have been doing it.

Life begins in the womb. That baby has a heartbeat, a measurement, organs-- that baby is life.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)

Today, we have two beautiful boys and another baby on the way. I can't imagine my life any differently than what it is now.

I want this baby.

It didn't matter if I'd been married for ten years or one. It didn't matter if I was scared or overwhelmed or feeling unprepared. Nothing mattered other than the life my husband and I had come together to create.

I wanted that baby.



March for Life

Thank you for teaching me that it's OK to fail. For being patient every time I said the wrong thing, or made a big mess, or yelled and stomped my feet when I didn't get my way.

Thank you for teaching me to try new foods. For being silly with me when I hid my green beans in a napkin, or didn't swallow the peas until I had milk in my mouth with them.

Thank you for teaching me how to play. To explore with my imagination. For encouraging me to take up the whole house with my Barbie villages and stuffed animals, and not getting mad if I didn't pick them up before bedtime.


Thank you for showing me how to love. You showed me that love is more than just that spark or funny feeling you get with butterflies-- it's commitment. It's work. It's only successful if everyone is willing to put forth the effort, put aside anger, and push through. Every kind of love is hard, but it's more than worth it.

Thank you for making me stick with things. With those dance lessons I wanted to quit, or the piano lessons I thought I wouldn't see through, or the silly poems and stories I started writing when I was five. I would never have risen to the occasion with all of those amazing gifts and hobbies in my life if you hadn't made me stick to them.

Thank you for always being there. It didn't matter if I disappointed you, or made you proud, or if you had a million things to do-- you were there. You always put me (and my sisters) first. You sacrificed so much to be mom, and to chauffeur us, and teach us, and tutor us, and help us, and encourage us-- and we definitely didn't do the same for you.

Thank you for teaching me to use cold water to get difficult stains out. For showing me how to separate the endless loads of laundry, and how to fold properly, and make the bed, and straighten the kitchen, and make house.

My days are now full of endless housekeeping with messy hands and three changes of clothes and crumbs and messes and two baths and places to go and people to call-- and I would never be able to handle any of it if you hadn't shown me how.

You showed me grace.

You showed me love.

And above all else, you showed me faith.

So all I can ever say, and I don't say it enough, is thank you.

Happy Mother's Day.

We are trying to do this new year right, and because of it I seem to be in a "January slump." I have all these goals I want to accomplish, which therefore leads me to feeling overwhelmed and grumpy.

Needless to say, it doesn't help my New Year's Resolutions. But I'm taking it one day at a time.

Part of the focus for this year was to remind us to be THANKFUL. It's so easy to slip away and see everything everyone else has, or wish on a star, or be grumpy because we are unable to do something. That's not how I want to raise our boys. I want them to grow up knowing how blessed they are, not just because of all they own/have or all they can do, but because God blesses them with GRACE and LOVE.

So we made a thankful jar.


I soaked an old pasta sauce jar in soapy water to get rid of the label/ wash it out. I read Michael some Bible verses and let him pick out which one he wanted to put on the jar.


Then I found this printable which is positively adorable to use for our thankful cards that we fill out every Thursday. Michael loved cutting them out and gluing everything on the jar.

(He also decorated the lid with who knows how many Minions stickers....)

At some point in the day every Thursday, we sit at the table and Michael thinks of something he's thankful for and I help him spell it out. While we've only done this twice now, Michael gets very excited when he realizes it's Thursday.

And he's not the only one that does it. We all do.

Clark and I think of something we're thankful for and fill out a card. My plan is to encourage friends and family that are over on Thursdays to do it, too.

Last year I wanted to do this but didn't think about it until about June and by then we had plenty else going on. So this year I got a kick start. I hope this habit sticks!

Our first day at Disneyland Park, we had a plan. We were going to leave our hotel by eight, get to the opening by nine, and head straight to "Peter Pan's Flight".


Because somewhere (probably on DLR Prep School) I read that's how you're supposed to do it, and a friend told me the same thing. Get there for the ribbon drop, everyone said. So that's what I wanted to do. And the park opened at nine, so leaving at eight would be enough time... right?

Wrong.

When we arrived, it took us a good 30-45 minutes to get through parking. If you're not staying at a hotel with a shuttle or monorail, plan for this. Plan for driving time-- LEAVE EARLIER! SAVE YOURSELF!

Yes, I'm being dramatic. Sorry about that. Breathe in, breathe out.

Here are the five things I learned from our first day at Disneyland, accompanied by adorable pictures, of course.

1. You're never TOO early.

The great thing about getting to Disneyland early is that you're there before the magic even begins. They'll let you in through the gates, but you stand and wait for the music to start and the "ribbon" to drop. We didn't get to witness this at Disneyland Park, only at California Adventure. But it's still something to be there for! Plus, you get to line up with the masses and then push through like you're shopping on Black Friday to get to the best rides/fast passes.


If you get there and want to mosey a bit before joining the crazy, you can walk Downtown Disney. Some of the shops are open (like The World of Disney) and there aren't as many people there so early in the morning. It's a great time to shop for souvenirs without being pushed in by the masses of people.

Also, the earlier you there, the shorter the lines. Our first day, when we did Disneyland Park, we wanted to hit "Peter Pan's Flight" because it was the ride Michael was looking forward to the most, and we could all go on it together. Well, we stood in line for around 40 minutes because we didn't get there right away and were diverted from our plan (I mean, Minnie Mouse was standing right there.

2. Know what rides you want to ride and what characters you want to meet.

Disneyland Park was kind of a nightmare for us. I went in with a list of, ideally, what order we should do things. The only problem was I had the list for Michael, not the adults. I'm not a ride person, so I was more focused on Michael meeting the characters and doing the kiddie-focused stuff. My husband, his brother and sister-in-law, however, clearly wanted to do more than just stand in line to meet Winnie The Pooh.


Because we all didn't communicate we ended up going back and forth and around and back and this way and that... I think you get my point. And we missed out on quite a few rides and things because we just couldn't get it together.

California Adventure, I made a list. I made a list of all the rides for Michael and then all the adults consulted on what they wanted to do. We got there earlier, made our way around and got the fast passes we could at different times, and rode some amazing rides with no lines because we followed our efforts.


The difference was breathtaking. I mean, we were still all dead tired, hot, and exhausted the second day-- but I couldn't help but feel a little more accomplished because we checked everything except one ride off the list and met Michael's favorite characters.

I mean, I'm not saying it was perfect, but it was a lot better than the first day.

I now know why people go to Disneyland for five days. It gives you so much more time to rest up, not stress, and still do (I would imagine) everything you want to do. Well, maybe not everything... but close.

3. Pack as lightly as you can.

We never took a "real" picture day one, and I wish we had. We left the parking lot with two strollers, two carriers, a diaper bag, a backpack... the works. My husband actually ended up running back to the car to take the carseat (because I kept telling him Levi wasn't going to ride in it, let's be real). However, he didn't take a stroller. So Clark's brother/sister-in-law ended up acting like the children were just as much theirs as ours day one because they were helping us tote around all of our stuff.

DO NOT IGNORE THIS ONE.

Pack lightly. If you're going on the summer, you're not going to need jackets. Odds are, you aren't going to need as many snacks as you think you will. Unless the weather calls for rain, leave the umbrella at the hotel. This is not a time to bring everything imaginable you think you might need. I am an over-packer. I'll admit it. But by day two, we got our crap together and it went sooooooo much more smoothly.

I mean, bring the bathing suits if you don't want to walk around wet. Bring the extra towel, or maybe extra clothes for the kids just in case. But don't bring your suitcase. My next Disney post will be full of what I personally thought were the necessities.


4. Find some shade, AC, and/or a place to put your feet up.

Disneyland over Labor Day Weekend was crazy, so I can't imagine it at the height of the season or on a "real" holiday. The crowds, plus the sun + heat, plus walking around all day... it can make a person grumpy. At the end of day one we were all feeling it. We were probably all dehydrated, starved, and in need of just somewhere to sit. While it did cool down near the end of our days, the full-fledged heat from 9am-5pm got to us.

So find somewhere to sit. We didn't do this the first day. At all. We only hit up indoor rides (like Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blaster) that gave us a moment out of the sun.

*Side Note: That ride scared Michael to pieces. It was dark and Emperor Zurg was huge, loud, and kind of terrifying even to me.*


If you can, go back to your hotel. Take a nap. Go to the pool. Do something to give yourself a break. The only reason we didn't do this is because we had to drive to the park, and we didn't want to endure parking again. The Tiki Room is supposed to be a good place to get a Dole Whip and cool down. We never did this. But at California Adventure I can recommend going to Disney Junior Live as an excellent place to cool down. Also, if you don't mind getting wet, there's a splash pad in A Bug's World.

*Another Side Note: If you can, go to the LAST show of Disney Junior Live around 4:15pm. This gives you perfect time to sit and wait for the parade in California Adventure, which was one of Michael's favorite things. You start slowing down at the right time, and you get to cool off.


5. Be prepared to "Do the Elsa" and LET. IT. GO.

I had a really hard time letting it go the first day, if I'm being honest. I'm pretty sure I made it so, if they weren't forced to stick around due to buying 3-day passes, everyone in our party would've split after the first day because of me. I'm a control freak, admittedly, so I had a hard time when we didn't follow the plan. We ate lunch at the park even though I made sandwiches, we bought snacks even though I packed some, we missed out on meeting key characters and riding rides I really wanted to get to... but at the end of the day what mattered is that Michael was still in love with the trip. He wanted to go back the next day. We had met some awesome characters, they got to go on some of the rides they wanted, and above all else-- Michael got to meet Mickey.


Day two it was probably easier for me to "let it go" because, well, we had a plan. I'm not sure it counts, I guess, since we did such a good job sticking to the said plan. But I tried to breathe more. I tried not to complain as much. I tried to be in the moment rather than focused on checking everything off the list (well... I did my best). All I know is once my husband was like, "Just do the Elsa!" (he feels super clever for coining that phrase) I found myself trying to focus on the atmosphere, not the list.

On September 7th, Michael turned four years old. It's hard to believe that we are now housing a true preschooler rather than a toddler, but he doesn't let us forget it. He likes to tell everyone, "I'm four! First I was three, now I'm four, and next year on September 7th I'm going to be five!"

Way to give Mama a heart attack, kiddo.

But when he turned four, we were much to busy for a doctor checkup because we were on a trip. Where? Well, if you saw my previous post and follow posts to come, you know that we were at DISNEYLAND.


I'm pretty sure I was just as excited as him.

Once we returned, we took him to his checkup and did our usual interview. Michael is currently 45 pounds and 42.25 inches tall. The doc said if he continues on the path he's on, he'll be around 6'1".

That's a good thing, I know. I just hope I'm prepared for that day when it comes and I have to look up at my son.



Michael's Fourth Birthday Interview
What's your whole name? Michael Clark

How old are you? Four!

When is your birthday? September 7th

What is your favorite color? Green

What is your favorite animal? Dinosaur!

What's your favorite book? Disney-Pixar storybook

What's your favorite show/movie? A Bug's Life

What's your favorite song? "Trashin' the Camp" from Tarzan

What's your favorite food? Tuna

What's your favorite drink? Apple Juice

What's your favorite breakfast food? Cheese

What's your favorite dinner? Pizza

What's your favorite snack? Goldfish


What's your favorite thing to wear? Doctor costume

What's your favorite game to play? Candyland

What's your favorite toy? Emperor Zurg

Who's your best friend? Ezekiel

What's your favorite thing to do? Go to the park

What's your favorite thing to do outside? Play with "Mighty Machines" in the dirt

What's your favorite holiday? "I like Christmas."

What do you like to take with you to bed? Wrinkles

Where's your favorite place to go? Disneyland

Where do you want to go on a vacation? Everywhere!

What do you want to be when you grow up? Astronaut and a Baseball Player


For his birthday, Michael's grandparents got him a bike. The following is the face I got when I asked him to smile for the camera:


Someone tell him to stop growing up, already.

I have never been to Disneyland or Disney World.

Correction: I had never been to Disneyland. (I still haven't been to Disney World.)


Like the crazy people we are, we decided somewhat last minute we were going to venture to Disneyland for Michael's fourth birthday. It wasn't THAT last minute, but it was last minute enough where I knew if I didn't do as much research and planning in the time that we had, that it wouldn't be "successful".

And, yes, I think a trip to Disneyland is considered a FAIL or SUCCESS. (Those posts are going to come soon.)

SO, what did I do to prep? Well, preparing// planning is probably one of my favorite things ever. Here are some of my suggestions:

1. RESEARCH

My favorite site EVER that has the ins and outs of Disneyland is DLR Prep School. It's where I found all things important, like where to get Fastpasses, the best rides for toddlers/preschoolers, and more. I seriously spent hours upon hours (on different occasions, of course) reading all this woman had to share about going to Disneyland with young kids. It was perfect.

2. MAKE A BIG DEAL

We didn't tell Michael where we were going until the morning of the day we were hitting the road. We bought him "clues", which were vague enough for a (just about) four-year-old that he didn't connect the dots. I mean, what do R2D2 and Big Hero 6 have in common? Well, they're both (now) Disney... but he wasn't about to guess that! ANYWAY. When we finally told him, Mickey Mouse called him (you can hire the same voice actor here for $5-- I highly recommend him!) and then we had a backpack full of road trip necessities, new and old, for him. You can hit up the dollar store or dollar section at Target for these types of things.

I did this for EVERY DAY. So he woke up every morning on our trip and immediately went to his backpack to see what new goodies he found inside. It ranged from activity packets, to bubbles, to glow sticks, to stickers. You name things that could keep him busy while we waited in lines or for fireworks, and it was in there.

I also made him homemade "gift cards" for each day. It included: $5 of Disney songs for the car trip, 1 Pair of Mickey Ears, 1 Toy, and 1 Birthday Cupcake (for when we were on our way home because we had to drive on his birthday). Michael loved this and it ultimately kept him from whining. I don't know if this would work for every kid, but because Michael knew his limits this kept it all in check for him!

3. DON'T WAIT UNTIL LAST MINUTE TO PLAN

Michael and I set up snack bags probably three to four days before we were actually leaving, but I wanted to be ready. I labeled larger bags with the day and then let him pick what snacks he wanted to go in bags. He had no idea what it was for, but loved mixing his snacks up into little baggies and watching me make these.

If you have older children, you can still do this, but doing it while they're in bed (or at school) so as to not give the surprise away is probably best!

4. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE POSSIBLE "FAIL"

Michael was super excited, but when he found out he was just kind of like, "Wait, what?" We kept the energy high, talking about what he wanted to do there and who he wanted to see, but he was just so overwhelmed with it all that we didn't get one of those I'm-crying-because-I'm-happy reactions-- and that's OK! But I don't just mean prep for a "mediocre" response, I mean prepare for the possibility that all your PLANNING will go down the drain the minute you get there. If you're like me, losing control and things not spanning out exactly as you had it down on paper can be more than frustrating, but ultimately Disneyland is all about the MAGIC, so you don't want the fact that all your planning still left you wanting or floundering to ruin that.

More posts to come about our trip! Stay tuned!

The other day I was doing my weekly (yes, weekly) shopping trip to Target. I was getting groceries, craft stuff... the works. Since we go to Target so frequently, we basically know some of the all the cashiers. So when I got a new guy that I'd only met once before, I was kind of looking forward to the chit-chat. Mainly because men don't typically ask the same old baby questions that the women do unless they're older. And maybe that's not true for everyone, but it tends to be for me.

But not this time.

This time I was checking out and he asked if we enjoyed the Minion movie (which I was surprised he remembered), and then went on to ask about Levi (who was nestled in the sling). How old was he now, is he bigger than Michael used to be, do I like having two boys, does he ever stay in his carseat, am I always going to wear him....


Then we got to the questions that kind of get under my skin. And when I say kind of, I mean really get under my skin. More than asking about my baby-wearing preference.

"Is he a good baby?"

I waited to see if he would elaborate, so when he didn't, I asked what he meant.

"Does he sleep at night?" he smiled.

Realizing this is a stereotypical question, I took a deep breath, swallowed my rant, and answered him, "He'll sleep for a good six hours, which is pretty amazing for a two-month-old."

I started staring at my wallet, even though I had my Red Card at the ready in my hand.

"Well, I guess that's nice. Does he sleep in the crib?" He stopped scanning groceries as though he was just waiting for my answer before he could commence work.

I guess I had finally had it. Complete strangers asking me what our sleeping arrangements were, or if I breastfeed, or if we are planning to do this, that, or the other. I was so over people thinking it was their business as to how I'm raising my children.

And while all this is going on, Michael's sitting in the cart chatting away to anyone who passed, showing them his space Goldfish. I smiled at him, like somehow I was defending our family, and turned back to the cashier.

"No, we cosleep. It's so much easier. I can just roll over and give him the boob whenever he's hungry."

You know that emoji with the WIDE EYES and pinched mouth? That's the face he made. If you don't. It's something like this: o_O.

Thinking that was the end of it, I started putting bags in the cart. Part of me was ashamed, talking to a stranger like that... and the other part of me was proud. Proud that I had finally told someone just how I felt about the ridiculous questions into my personal parenting life.

But it wasn't the end of it.

"So, are you all in the bed?"

I couldn't even look at him. I was sure fire would burst from my eyes in an inexplicable manner that had never happened before. Instead, I looked at Michael.

"Hey, Goose? Who sleeps in our bed?"

He grinned, like he was over-the-moon that he knew the answer. "Mama, Michael, Levi, and Dada."

The cashier looked horrified. This time I looked at him and smiled. "It's a king sized bed. The more the merrier, right?"

He didn't say anything after that.

I checked out as quickly as I could and left with a smile, but I had mixed feelings about what I'd done.


Don't get me wrong. There are most many nights that I wish Michael was in his own bed by now. And just as many that I wish we could put Levi in his crib. But that's not who I am as a mother, and not how we work as a family.

If you ask me if I have a good baby, or if my baby is a good sleeper, than usually my answer is simple: yes. Because my baby cries when he needs me, eats when he's hungry, and sleeps as long as he can. If a complete stranger expects to be given the inside scoop, have me complain that my almost four-year-old smacked me in the face the previous night or my co-sleeping baby leaked on our sheets and I just put a towel down because I didn't want to wake the whole family to strip the bed-- then that stranger is out of his/her mind.

Why?


Because, yes, those things happen. But I still love our decision-- and that's what it is. It's our decision, my husband's and mine, as parents. And calling our baby a "good baby" is ridiculous. Because he isn't "good" to me-- he's perfect, whether he sleeps through the night or not.

I'm not sure how we got here so quickly!

Levi was two months old on August 8th. He is now 10lbs 13oz (he gained two pounds in a month!) and 22.5 inches long (he grew an inch in a month!). He is completely obsessed with his hands, his play mat, and his big brother. A sound sleeper, he'll be completely zonked but if Michael says anything above a normal volume level, Levi's eyes will flutter and he'll look for his big brother. It's absolutely adorable. He loves to "talk", smile, and drool as much as he can.

When we had to go anywhere in the car it used to be stressful, but these days Levi has been sleeping nicely when we drive (Praise the Lord!). His crying has a slow progression from frustrated to angry, and it's not always slow. Overall he's a patient fellow... unless he wants to be held or is hungry (aren't all babies like this?).

And, what hasn't changed? His favorite thing is to be held and cuddled in the sling. If he could spend all day in someone's my arms, he would.

The last time I blogged I vowed to go ten days without technology. With that being said, I meant "screen time"-- Michael playing games on the phone, or watching TV, or watching anything for that matter. And although I ended up turning on the TV, I would call this cleanse/experiment a success.

Here are five things I learned:


1. I payed attention more. Let's be real. It's super easy to get sucked in to doing things and letting our littles watch TV or play a game on the phone. While getting into the groove of having two little guys, I found myself letting Michael watch more and more, or play more and more, just to get a moment of peace-- or get five minutes to talk with the hubs without being interrupted. This isn't always a bad thing (wait for the next thing I learned!), but doing it every day, multiple times (a number I'm too ashamed to share) IS.

So, when cutting out the middle-man-babysitter that is the TV or game, I realized that I listened more to Michael. I payed attention more. I didn't think the silly things he was doing were annoying or too loud. In fact, most of them were REALLY silly... and I had been missing them. It takes a lot for to admit on here that I had started missing out on Michael once Levi was born. Now I'm finding a much better balance.

2. It's OK to need a moment. By Day Four, I needed a moment. I had to reset. Admittedly, I was texting a lot of people and trying to get in some grown-up communication (does texting count?) with some friends when Michael asked for a show and I gave in. But I saw it. I knew what it was. It was that I was staring at a screen, which can't seem like communication to an almost-four-year-old, so he wanted to zone out, too.

But then on Day Seven when Michael watched a movie, I didn't feel guilty for not sticking it out. In fact, I realized it was OK for me to let him watch a show in order for us to both have some down time/ quiet time. We did A LOT (which is coming next), so I didn't feel guilty when I needed a moment. Unlike beforehand, when I felt guilty because I KNEW he was watching too much TV.


3. We got out more. No TV meant having more of a plan, and it worked so well in our favor. We were up early every morning, and I couldn't turn on the TV to get a moment to wake up... so we would walk to the park instead. Or play in the sprinkler. Or go to the library. Or go to the store and walk around (which can be dangerous, I know). But it made me feel so much better to get out and be active and DO MORE. Getting out didn't always mean getting in the car, but it did mean finding more ways to exercise our brains/bodies. And I loved it.

4. We snacked less and slept more. As soon as our ten-day-challenge ended, I am sad to admit I gave in almost immediately and turned the tube back on a bit too much. But after that ONE DAY of giving in, we went back to cutting out the screens. Because neither of us liked it.

I realized that when the TV was on, we were both more inclined to think we were hungry and snack. And snack. And snack. But when it was off, we were so busy we weren't thinking that we WANTED to eat (because that's what most of it was).

And if the TV was on a lot, we didn't sleep as well. When he wasn't dependent on shows and movies as babysitters, we were doing more and that meant we were sleeping more (and better!). Granted, we went to bed earlier and got up earlier... but I really didn't mind it that much. It just meant adjusting our schedules.

5. I had to have a plan. I will openly admit that I'm a planner, and yet I'm awful at planning. When it comes to Michael's routine, I used to just go with the flow and nothing seemed to work out. Knowing there wasn't going to be TV to fill in the gaps meant finding more things to do. We did experiments, learned to play more games, cleaned more, talked more... there was so much MORE when there was less technology.

But the point was: I had to have a plan.

I had "extras" for the week in case one of our days lagged, or gave in to baking even though I'm trying to eat better. It meant making choices and following through with what I said we were going to do. There was no, "Well, we can't go outside so we'll watch a show." It was "It's too hot outside, so how about we make something special." That "something special" was anything from a craft to cookies. But it was worth the mess, and ultimately part of the plan.


The conclusion of all this is: WE SURVIVED! And we are better for it. Reviewing this post I realize how dumb some of this sounds. I mean, DUH. But I had given in. It's so easy to lose track when you watch more TV, or hand over your phone or the video games. We live in a technological time, after all.

I'm not saying technology for kids is a bad thing by any means. I'm SO not one of those people.

But I am saying that portion control (why can't I think of any other phrase for it?) is everything. Because if I gave in and let Michael watch as much TV as he used to ask for, then his brain would "turn to mush" and I wouldn't be parenting. At least, that's my opinion. I'm so thankful for my boys and every minute I get to spend with them. Somewhere along the way, I started forgetting that and just started focusing on what I "needed" rather than the big picture of parenthood/family.

I can say that if we lose track of what we learned (which I sincerely hope we don't), I'll be more ready and willing to do this again.

This weekend my husband and I came to the dreadful horrifying conclusion that we are on/around technology too much when we were at the Giants vs Diamonbacks game and Michael asked to play a game on my phone.

Since we both have to use the computer and our phones for work, and then we enjoy games/social media/TV shows as well...well...we look at screens a lot. So when Michael started watching a few too many shows, or asking more than he used to to play games on our phones, we decided it was time for a change.

For the next ten days, we are trying to go without any tv or computer/phone games. I'll still be checking in, but only at the end of the day once the kiddos are asleep (and maybe with my morning coffee). It's going to be a hard habit to break, but I figured if we quit cold turkey for a little while it would help us refocus. For the next ten days I'm going to get myself in check, and REALLY focus on what's most important. Because, let's face it-- it's easy to get sucked in. And I would much rather have more moments with fewer pictures and likes and screen time, then I would to have the pictures but not the TRUE feelings of the memories.


Say a prayer for me. Wish me luck. All those good things. This is going to be a loooong week.

Little Levi was born on June 8th, and since then has been nothing but joy. While it feels like it's just been a few days, we had to take him in for his one-month check up. Little man has grown two inches (now 21.5), put on a pound (plus more if you can't weight lost in the hospital: now 8lbs, 13oz), and is on track developmentally. He smiled for the first time on July 4th which was way too exciting, and is now starting to really take in the world around him. He absolutely loves his big brother Michael, who returns the affection. Michael cannot walk by his baby brother without giving him a kiss, and is worried if he's in the swing or sling for too long. He will also try to sing to Levi if he's screaming crying in the car, which melts my heart like you would not believe. And though Levi still prefers being held over being put down, we don't mind one bit taking turns cuddling him.

When I shared my labor story the other day (or rather my false alarms story), what I didn't mention was receiving an email is what convinced me to go to the hospital.

No, I'm not crazy. Yes, I'm completely totally almost serious.

Let me explain.

My CP and BFF Nikki said she was certain that once I went into labor, I would get an offer from a literary agent. And when my contractions were still going, I got an email from Jessica S. of Golden Wheat Literary asking me a lot of questions about my manuscript (BROKEN BEYOND THE MEADOW) and asked if I had any other projects.

Jessica had favorited a pitch of mine during #PitMad in March, and by the end of the month had requested my full. Although she had technically found me, I had been planning on querying her if she didn't find my tweets/pitches during #PitMad. While I was in pain, I had a momentary, "THIS IS IT!" moment.

Once Levi was born, Jessica tweeted me and told me not to worry about the email. But, I mean, I was way too excited to listen to her.

Never mind that I just gave birth, I had an agent asking some very intriguing questions! So, after coming home from the hospital, I emailed her almost immediately.

Ok, ok... it was something like 72 hours after or something like that.

Annnnnyyyyyyway. It wasn't that long at all before she emailed me back and told me she was interested in representing me.

I. Flipped. Out.


As did my husband, my mom (who was in town), Nikki (over the phone), and just about everyone else that I told. I was over the moon. But, of course, I had to go through a phone call first.

I have to admit, talking to Jessica was the best part. We really seemed to click. Even though she kept telling me she was rambling, it made me even more excited because I could tell she was just as enthusiastic about my book as I was. We talked for over an hour, and when it was done I wanted to accept her on the spot.

But I had other agents to notify. So I asked for a week to decide, and then I got to work. The time seemed to drag as I waited to hear from other agents and talked to other clients of Jessica's. All her clients sang praises, but still I waited. After praying about it, talking about it with my husband/CP/family/close friends, and going through one other call, a few rejections, and an email offer...I was even more sure in my initial decision.


It's very surreal to realize that all this actually happened. As an author, I have definitely dreamed of the day I would get to accept representation. And now that day has come! All I can say is I am truly humbled and feel so blessed by this opportunity.

So here's the official announcement:

I am now represented by Jessica Shmeidler of Golden Wheat Literary.

Whenever I think of women going into labor, I think of FATHER OF FHE BRIDE II.

Have you seen that movie? If not, it's classic.

The younger pregnant woman is always saying it's time to go to the hospital, and of course her false alarms are in the middle of the night and have everyone jumping up like, "THE BRITISH ARE COMING!" only to show her returning in the morning because it was just gas, or not real contractions.

This is what I think of. I don't think of my first labor, which was like the typical fairy-tale pregnancy story of, "oh, my water broke."

With my second pregnancy I was seriously praying and hoping it would be like my first when it came time for labor... but I had a feeling it wouldn't be. Because, like everyone says, every labor is different.

But I was petrified of false alarms.

Why?

Maybe because I don't like to be embarrassed or wrong (did I just put that in writing?).

Or maybe because I thought that since I wasn't a first time mom, there was no excuse.

So when I started having what I thought were real contractions (did I mention I got drugged almost right away after my water broke the first time?) and my husband was away for work, I started to panic.

"If this is the real thing, I need to tell him to start driving because he's two hours away. But if I'm wrong, what then?"

I told him to come home. And when he was about fifteen minutes from our house, the contractions ceased.

But then the following morning, the contractions were there again. I mean, I wasn't doubled over in pain, but I had this idea in my head that I have a high pain tolerance.

I timed them, called the doc, and was told to head to the hospital. So, we did. But when I was checked, I was only 2cm...and according to them, I wasn't really having any contractions. After an hour of walking around the birthing floor, and the "contractions" stopping again, we were sent home.

False alarm #1.
Then the next night, the contractions were stronger and came in full force quickly. My mom said she could tell something was different, and she thought we should go to the hospital straight away. Well, I wanted to wait. We walked around the block a few times, I laid down on the couch... and still the contractions didn't go away. However, they weren't timing consistently. They'd range from 2 to 7 minutes apart... and I was so confused. But, under my mom's advice, we went in.

We went through the same routine as we did the first time at the hospital, and I was still only 2cm.


False alarm #2.
Now I was afraid. And embarrassed.

I was afraid of being wrong again, and embarrassed that this was my second pregnancy and yet I had gone to the hospital not once... but twice and been sent home.

I was determined that I wouldn't go in again unless my water broke, as it had with Michael. I was not going to risk being sent home again and alerting the masses of my inability to recognize true labor.

So, I waited.

I had my 39 week appointment and my doctor talked about what would happen if I was still pregnant in a week. She checked me and told me I was further along than I had been (between 2-3 cm), but to expect some cramping and contractions because she checked me.

I went home, and that night when the pain started I assumed that it was just false labor again.

So, I waited.

But the pain wasn't going away, and it started getting worse. It was to the point I was getting angry at everyone. I just wanted to lie down, go to bed...make it stop.

But it wouldn't. I started timing them.

This time my husband thought it was the real deal because of how I was acting, as did everyone else. My poor three-year-old was so worried because of the way I was acting, but we assured him that this time when he went to sleep, he'd wake up a big brother.

After an hour of contractions at home, we went to the hospital. I was 7-8cm, and they admitted me right away. It wasn't long before my water broke, and instead of getting the drugs I thought I had wanted, I demanded it was time to push.

My contractions started around 9pm. We left for the hospital around 10:15pm. Levi was born at 11:41pm. He didn't even make it to midnight. By that point, he was ready.

Levi James: 7 lbs, 13 oz; 19.5 inches
And oh, so were we.

I am super excited to be on Whiskey, Wine, & Writing tonight. When my friend Nikki asked me to be a guest, there was no way I could say no. I have to admit, though, I'm incredibly nervous.

As all moms know, when it comes to explaining how we get everything done... it isn't easy. One day I'll be super productive and feel like I've got the world on a string. The next day, I'll be walking around like a chicken with her head cut off and not know where to begin or end my day.

Just to say a little something, and hopefully you'll follow this link to tune in tonight to hear the rest of my rambling, but there is no REAL way to balance mom life with author life (or photographer life, or school life, or entrepreneur life, or volunteer life, or whatever other half of your life may seem like your purpose beyond motherhood).

When it comes down to it for me, it's just about finding time each day to give myself a break and allow myself to do something (beyond making meals, having scoot races, learning the ABC's, and reading The Monster At the End of This Book for the millionth time) that makes me happy. I'm allowed many little moments during the day, whether it's my devotional in the morning or getting to nap with Michael (because, man, the third trimester of this second pregnancy is kicking my butt). But when I get ten minutes, or maybe even an hour, that little man is playing independently so beautifully that I get to sit down at the computer and work on my book(s)-- those are the moments I revel in, and the moments that I make a priority.

I have to make time to sit down at the computer and write. If I didn't, I'd never get anything done. In September I put my mind to writing my first YA Historical Fiction-- what I've been dying to write since I was probably ten years old. And I did it. I made time every day to work on my book, no matter what else was going on. I wouldn't have been able to do it without a very understanding husband, who knows I need time to get the creativity flowing even when he's only home for four days at a time. I also wouldn't have been able to do it without a very happy son, who realizes that mommy is in a slightly better mood when she gets a little time to write. And I definitely wouldn't have been able to do it without patience, prayer, and discipline.

I've heard from multiple people, "I wish I had time to write," or "I want to write a book, I just don't have the time yet." I have to bite my tongue, to be honest, because who has the time? I freelance from home for work, take care of my three-year-old and our house, and we have another baby on the way. My husband is gone ten days, home four days-- and his schedule just settled down to that. I'm not putting myself on a pedestal for getting things done, I'm just pointing out that no one has time, but if you want to be a writer, you have to make it.

I hope you'll tune in to hear more tonight at 8 p.m. EST!

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I was tagged by the best CP a gal could ask for, Nikki Miller, for the Liebster Award. I have to answer her ten questions about my work-in-progress and then tag some more people and give them my own questions. Since MISSING is out into the world and waiting with queries and requests, I thought I'd take this time to introduce my new WIP, BEYOND THE MEADOW. My new young adult historical fiction.

1) How did you come up with your WIP’s title?

I didn't, Nikki did! For real. She and I were texting back and forth consistently as I started writing BEYOND THE MEADOW because it had no title and I was so frustrated. Never before did I have a problem coming up with a title, but with this one I was really stuck. I knew the title had to have a strong meaning, and also focus on the central event of the book without giving too much away. Yeah... a lot to expect from a title. But one day after Nikki read my latest chapter, she texted me the now title and I was just blown away. She's the book whisperer, I tell you.


2) What motivates you to write?

This is a tough one. Really, I just get into a mood. Sometimes I'll lie awake at night WISHING to think of what I want to write next in the ms, other times I just sit down at the computer and my fingers take on a life of their own. Typically what pushes me is when someone who is reading it or who I tell about it gets excited. I know that if they're excited, I need to finish! I know, I know-- I should self-motivate. But, really, what's more encouraging then someone telling you they would totally read what you're writing?


3) Do you find yourself putting past experiences in your book? Give an example!

Yes and no. In this one, it's a little tough. Since it's a historical fiction, my character has faced many more challenges than I ever have in my life. However, the loss that she's experienced-- I can pull emotions for that one. But actual experiences? Not in this one.


4) What is your main character’s biggest obstacle?

Moving 'beyond the meadow'... that's where the title came from. My character survives something that she's not supposed to, and has to figure out how to move forward with her life after literally losing everything she loved and held most dear.


5) What is your crutch word that you always have to go back and delete because you use it too many times?

Well, I think one of my words is 'just'. Perhaps because I use it when I talk so much. I also use 'seemed' an awful lot, which is JUST as annoying because it makes things passive and then I'm like...oops. I didn't want that to 'seem' depressing, it IS depressing. Get it together!


6) Who is your author role model and why?

I love so many authors it's hard to choose, but when it comes to contemporary historical fiction I absolutely love Ann Rinaldi. I admire her so much for her multitude of historical fiction works and how diverse they can be. She's the author that made me fall in love with historical fiction and inspired me to want to write it.


7) What happens in your favorite scene from your WIP?

This is REALLY hard, because there are multiple scenes I absolutely love. One in particular is my favorite because it's the first kiss between my main character and her love interest (go figure). The second is my favorite because, honestly, I know it's going to break readers' hearts. Does that make me awful? I don't want to give it away, but I guess if you know the history you can probably guess what I'm talking about.


8) Please share a favorite line from your manuscript!

"From the beauty of the bushes came demonic cries that rattled me down to my bones. Bare-breasted men with painted faces carrying guns, tomahawks, and arrows appeared from their cover, already shooting and firing into our sea of travelers."


9) Are you doing NaNoWriMo this year?

No, I'm not. I was knee-deep in BEYOND THE MEADOW and knew I had less that 50,000 words to go, so I'm sticking it out. I'm honestly not a huge NaNoWriMo person. I admire those who can do it, but I'm not sure it's my cup of tea.


10) What advice do you have for other authors?

Keep at it. It took me a while before I dug my heels in and decided, once and for all, that this was what I wanted to do. I was really afraid after finishing MISSING that it was going to be my 'one hit wonder' of a book. I had always wanted to write historical fiction, but was really scared to do it-- the research was intimidating. But I sat down one day and just started looking things up for an idea I had, and before I knew it I had started writing BEYOND THE MEADOW. As much research as I did BEFORE I started it, I tried not to overwhelm myself and leave some to do while still writing it. If I focused too much on all the research being done and having an outline, I would've talked myself out of writing it-- because int he end, that's not how I work.

So, to sum that up: Keep At It, and Work The Way That's Best For You.

WHO IS NEXT?

I'd like to tag the lovely ladies of the Kick-AZ group! I haven't met you yet (and have been awful about touching base about making that happen), but I know you're a talented group and would love to read about your process! So, here are your 10 Questions:

1. How did you come up with your current WIP?
2. How do you balance your day job (if you have one) and your writing?
3. What's your favorite time of day to write?
4. Do you have any special snacks you eat for writing/ editing days?
5. Who do you go to when you're struggling with a part of your story-- from a word to a scene to a character?
6. Do you share your WIP with CP's while you're writing, or do you wait until it's completed?
7. What's the thing you DISLIKE the most about your WIP?
8. What's the thing you LOVE the most about your WIP?
9. How do you get through difficult sprints of writing? (Do you dance it out, bake, talk to someone?)
10. If you could cast your MC in a movie, who would play him/her?

Well, here goes.

I've been struggling with writing this bio for the past couple of days. This is partially due to family being in town, and partially because I was overwhelmed by everyone else's awesome-ness that I was swept away! If you don't know what #PitchWars is-- please read about it here. It's an amazing opportunity/contest where you get to pitch your book to mentors, and if you're selected you get to work with someone awesome that will help you whip your manuscript into shape for the agent round.

This is my first time entering the contest, and I know it's just as tough on the mentors as it is on everyone entering the contest. I mean, there are 75 mentors and hundreds of authors. So, guys, just remember....


I'm hoping that my manuscript, MISSING, a YA Contemporary with suspense will speak to you so you don't feel like doing this to me after that (possibly embarrassing) moment.


So. For real. This is me.


And here are some things about me.

1. I'm a SAHM, Writer, and Editor.

I am a blessed twenty-something who gets to stay home and take care of my just about three-year-old son. My husband climbs towers for a living (I don't envy him, but he loves it), and I work weekly for Engagement 101 Magazine. You can follow the link to check out some cool posts if you're in the market for getting engaged/married. I also blog on her and share tons of things from recipes to stories about my life.

2. My life changed in inexplicable ways at the ages of 15 and 18.

When I was 15 years old, my best friend went missing. This is the basis for my manuscript. I feel like there are very few stories that deal with this topic, and it's one that-- sadly-- is very real to many people. I was shoved into the adult world much earlier than I wanted to be, though I don't pretend that I simply became an adult because I went through the process of being part of a missing person's case-- nor do I claim I'm the only one at the time who felt the way I did. But, this is part of what made me start thinking of my book, although ten years ago I never would have imagined it would bring me to where I am.

My friend and me about a month before she went missing.

When I was 18 years old I was dating my high school sweetheart and we were already engaged just a couple weeks into college away from home. My parents had moved to Germany with the Army and I was looking forward to so many things-- as most 18 year olds do. Then I got a late-night phone call : my friend's remains had been found. Three years of no clues and no trace, and a random search on a somewhat deserted road lead to her discovery. When that happened, my now-husband and I decided we weren't going to wait until others would approve of us getting married, because we knew what we wanted and we had a first-hand experience of how little time one can be allotted. We walked down to the courthouse one week later and told our parents via email that we were married.

Yeah. We did.

My hubby and I the day we got married. Our seven-year anniversary is coming up! I am also working on another project MARRIED IN COLLEGE. Can't imagine where I got the inspiration, can you?


3. I've always been a writer.

While I have my "officials" ranging from having the most-read column for REALITY Check Girl Magazine and writing for Engagement 101, my writing started in about fourth grade. My teacher told me that she'd give me an extra day to get my homework in, which had been left at home, if I wrote her a story. I don't even remember what the story was about-- I think it had something to do with Sir Francis Drake and a sea monster-- but needless to say she wasn't disappointed. I was told from then on that I had to dedicate my first book to her. I still intend to keep that promise.

My writer's blood comes honestly. My grandfather was an English teacher and my mother was a Creative Writing major that has had a ridiculous amount of experience. When I got to college, I had two choices-- be responsible and major in English Education, or major in Creative Writing. Guess which I chose?

For a very long time, I knew what I wanted to write but I was still "too close" to many of the subjects. Turning my own missing-person's experience into a novel seemed like a wonderful idea... but actually making it fiction meant that I had to give it as much time as needed. If you ask my editor from Stark Contrast Editing or my wonderful CP Nikki -- they'll tell you that even in the beginning it was a little hard to give me feedback or ideas because I'd get defensive. BUT please don't let that scare you off! I promise that I have now acquired an amazingly tough skin and I'm open to suggestions and edits (as long as you're the kind of mentor that will talk it out with me-- and I don't mean you have to be nice about it, either).



Random Facts About Me

- I will read just about everything. Truly. When I was younger I had that "too cool for school" attitude and wanted to read all the classics before I read contemporaries. I am now catching up with contemporaries, putting the classics on hold. My favorite books are still Jane Eyre, Captain From Castille, The Harry Potter books, and THE FACE ON THE MILK CARTON series.

- My favorite "inspiration" movies are: Under the Tuscan Sun, Julie & Julia, Finding Forrester, Miss Potter, and The Help. (The only one I'm uncertain of being a book is Finding Forrester-- all others I've also read or researched.)

- I play two instruments. I started playing piano when I was seven and started playing flute when I was nine. In high school I was all-county/district and my senior year I was lead-marching-band-dork, otherwise known as drum major. Despite my desires and attempts to get just as involved in theatre as I could, I was essentially shunned by the teacher (though not by the peers) because of my band loyalties. I still pick them up so my three-year-old will dance, or we'll have jam-sessions with my husband on the guitar. We are a very musically-focused family in our spare time, and it makes for wonderful memories.


Please excuse me if I'm using too many GIFs-- I might have just learned how to use them and it's super exciting.

- My father is a minister and former Army Chaplain. I spent my childhood moving from place to place and was the only one of my sisters (I have two) who got to go to the same high school for four straight years. My older sister went to three, and my younger sister has the record of four. I absolutely loved military life, though now that I'm older I'm not so sure I want to spend our time moving around. My husband also grew up in a military family (Marines), and is a Marine Reservist himself.

- We just moved from NC to AZ... and I'm not exactly lovin' it. I spent most of my time in the Midwest and on the East Coast, though I was born in Idaho. This is my first experience with the South West and while I love getting to tell my friends it's sunny and 75 when it's 30 and snowing where they are-- really I miss the snow. This will be my first fall without the leaves and the cooler weather and I have to admit I might already be slightly bitter. However, I'm super excited about the adventure, and know that it's just another step in the right direction for our family.

- My husband and I have a bucket list that mostly involves traveling. Ever since we were first married and got to visit Germany and Paris, we've been aching to go more places. Things from "Rent a cabin in Scotland so Emily can write" to "Hike in New Zealand" to "Climb Mount Everest" are on there. (OK... Clark wants to climb Mount Everest, but I will cheer him on from the base camp if I can!) This bucket list only grows as our family does, because obviously "Take our kids to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter" is on there.


So, that's me. Regardless of if you select me or not, it's been awesome browsing the mentors and mentees pieces and getting to know everyone. Thanks for considering me, and I hope you enjoy my YA Contemp, MISSING.

PSSST-- pick me.


Check out other mentees bios by going here!