The other day I was doing my weekly (yes, weekly) shopping trip to Target. I was getting groceries, craft stuff... the works. Since we go to Target so frequently, we basically know some of the all the cashiers. So when I got a new guy that I'd only met once before, I was kind of looking forward to the chit-chat. Mainly because men don't typically ask the same old baby questions that the women do unless they're older. And maybe that's not true for everyone, but it tends to be for me.

But not this time.

This time I was checking out and he asked if we enjoyed the Minion movie (which I was surprised he remembered), and then went on to ask about Levi (who was nestled in the sling). How old was he now, is he bigger than Michael used to be, do I like having two boys, does he ever stay in his carseat, am I always going to wear him....


Then we got to the questions that kind of get under my skin. And when I say kind of, I mean really get under my skin. More than asking about my baby-wearing preference.

"Is he a good baby?"

I waited to see if he would elaborate, so when he didn't, I asked what he meant.

"Does he sleep at night?" he smiled.

Realizing this is a stereotypical question, I took a deep breath, swallowed my rant, and answered him, "He'll sleep for a good six hours, which is pretty amazing for a two-month-old."

I started staring at my wallet, even though I had my Red Card at the ready in my hand.

"Well, I guess that's nice. Does he sleep in the crib?" He stopped scanning groceries as though he was just waiting for my answer before he could commence work.

I guess I had finally had it. Complete strangers asking me what our sleeping arrangements were, or if I breastfeed, or if we are planning to do this, that, or the other. I was so over people thinking it was their business as to how I'm raising my children.

And while all this is going on, Michael's sitting in the cart chatting away to anyone who passed, showing them his space Goldfish. I smiled at him, like somehow I was defending our family, and turned back to the cashier.

"No, we cosleep. It's so much easier. I can just roll over and give him the boob whenever he's hungry."

You know that emoji with the WIDE EYES and pinched mouth? That's the face he made. If you don't. It's something like this: o_O.

Thinking that was the end of it, I started putting bags in the cart. Part of me was ashamed, talking to a stranger like that... and the other part of me was proud. Proud that I had finally told someone just how I felt about the ridiculous questions into my personal parenting life.

But it wasn't the end of it.

"So, are you all in the bed?"

I couldn't even look at him. I was sure fire would burst from my eyes in an inexplicable manner that had never happened before. Instead, I looked at Michael.

"Hey, Goose? Who sleeps in our bed?"

He grinned, like he was over-the-moon that he knew the answer. "Mama, Michael, Levi, and Dada."

The cashier looked horrified. This time I looked at him and smiled. "It's a king sized bed. The more the merrier, right?"

He didn't say anything after that.

I checked out as quickly as I could and left with a smile, but I had mixed feelings about what I'd done.


Don't get me wrong. There are most many nights that I wish Michael was in his own bed by now. And just as many that I wish we could put Levi in his crib. But that's not who I am as a mother, and not how we work as a family.

If you ask me if I have a good baby, or if my baby is a good sleeper, than usually my answer is simple: yes. Because my baby cries when he needs me, eats when he's hungry, and sleeps as long as he can. If a complete stranger expects to be given the inside scoop, have me complain that my almost four-year-old smacked me in the face the previous night or my co-sleeping baby leaked on our sheets and I just put a towel down because I didn't want to wake the whole family to strip the bed-- then that stranger is out of his/her mind.

Why?


Because, yes, those things happen. But I still love our decision-- and that's what it is. It's our decision, my husband's and mine, as parents. And calling our baby a "good baby" is ridiculous. Because he isn't "good" to me-- he's perfect, whether he sleeps through the night or not.

The last time I blogged I vowed to go ten days without technology. With that being said, I meant "screen time"-- Michael playing games on the phone, or watching TV, or watching anything for that matter. And although I ended up turning on the TV, I would call this cleanse/experiment a success.

Here are five things I learned:


1. I payed attention more. Let's be real. It's super easy to get sucked in to doing things and letting our littles watch TV or play a game on the phone. While getting into the groove of having two little guys, I found myself letting Michael watch more and more, or play more and more, just to get a moment of peace-- or get five minutes to talk with the hubs without being interrupted. This isn't always a bad thing (wait for the next thing I learned!), but doing it every day, multiple times (a number I'm too ashamed to share) IS.

So, when cutting out the middle-man-babysitter that is the TV or game, I realized that I listened more to Michael. I payed attention more. I didn't think the silly things he was doing were annoying or too loud. In fact, most of them were REALLY silly... and I had been missing them. It takes a lot for to admit on here that I had started missing out on Michael once Levi was born. Now I'm finding a much better balance.

2. It's OK to need a moment. By Day Four, I needed a moment. I had to reset. Admittedly, I was texting a lot of people and trying to get in some grown-up communication (does texting count?) with some friends when Michael asked for a show and I gave in. But I saw it. I knew what it was. It was that I was staring at a screen, which can't seem like communication to an almost-four-year-old, so he wanted to zone out, too.

But then on Day Seven when Michael watched a movie, I didn't feel guilty for not sticking it out. In fact, I realized it was OK for me to let him watch a show in order for us to both have some down time/ quiet time. We did A LOT (which is coming next), so I didn't feel guilty when I needed a moment. Unlike beforehand, when I felt guilty because I KNEW he was watching too much TV.


3. We got out more. No TV meant having more of a plan, and it worked so well in our favor. We were up early every morning, and I couldn't turn on the TV to get a moment to wake up... so we would walk to the park instead. Or play in the sprinkler. Or go to the library. Or go to the store and walk around (which can be dangerous, I know). But it made me feel so much better to get out and be active and DO MORE. Getting out didn't always mean getting in the car, but it did mean finding more ways to exercise our brains/bodies. And I loved it.

4. We snacked less and slept more. As soon as our ten-day-challenge ended, I am sad to admit I gave in almost immediately and turned the tube back on a bit too much. But after that ONE DAY of giving in, we went back to cutting out the screens. Because neither of us liked it.

I realized that when the TV was on, we were both more inclined to think we were hungry and snack. And snack. And snack. But when it was off, we were so busy we weren't thinking that we WANTED to eat (because that's what most of it was).

And if the TV was on a lot, we didn't sleep as well. When he wasn't dependent on shows and movies as babysitters, we were doing more and that meant we were sleeping more (and better!). Granted, we went to bed earlier and got up earlier... but I really didn't mind it that much. It just meant adjusting our schedules.

5. I had to have a plan. I will openly admit that I'm a planner, and yet I'm awful at planning. When it comes to Michael's routine, I used to just go with the flow and nothing seemed to work out. Knowing there wasn't going to be TV to fill in the gaps meant finding more things to do. We did experiments, learned to play more games, cleaned more, talked more... there was so much MORE when there was less technology.

But the point was: I had to have a plan.

I had "extras" for the week in case one of our days lagged, or gave in to baking even though I'm trying to eat better. It meant making choices and following through with what I said we were going to do. There was no, "Well, we can't go outside so we'll watch a show." It was "It's too hot outside, so how about we make something special." That "something special" was anything from a craft to cookies. But it was worth the mess, and ultimately part of the plan.


The conclusion of all this is: WE SURVIVED! And we are better for it. Reviewing this post I realize how dumb some of this sounds. I mean, DUH. But I had given in. It's so easy to lose track when you watch more TV, or hand over your phone or the video games. We live in a technological time, after all.

I'm not saying technology for kids is a bad thing by any means. I'm SO not one of those people.

But I am saying that portion control (why can't I think of any other phrase for it?) is everything. Because if I gave in and let Michael watch as much TV as he used to ask for, then his brain would "turn to mush" and I wouldn't be parenting. At least, that's my opinion. I'm so thankful for my boys and every minute I get to spend with them. Somewhere along the way, I started forgetting that and just started focusing on what I "needed" rather than the big picture of parenthood/family.

I can say that if we lose track of what we learned (which I sincerely hope we don't), I'll be more ready and willing to do this again.

This weekend my husband and I came to the dreadful horrifying conclusion that we are on/around technology too much when we were at the Giants vs Diamonbacks game and Michael asked to play a game on my phone.

Since we both have to use the computer and our phones for work, and then we enjoy games/social media/TV shows as well...well...we look at screens a lot. So when Michael started watching a few too many shows, or asking more than he used to to play games on our phones, we decided it was time for a change.

For the next ten days, we are trying to go without any tv or computer/phone games. I'll still be checking in, but only at the end of the day once the kiddos are asleep (and maybe with my morning coffee). It's going to be a hard habit to break, but I figured if we quit cold turkey for a little while it would help us refocus. For the next ten days I'm going to get myself in check, and REALLY focus on what's most important. Because, let's face it-- it's easy to get sucked in. And I would much rather have more moments with fewer pictures and likes and screen time, then I would to have the pictures but not the TRUE feelings of the memories.


Say a prayer for me. Wish me luck. All those good things. This is going to be a loooong week.