Since I was little, all I ever wanted was to be a stay-at-home-mom. It seemed ideal to me. Getting to play with your kids all day, getting to make a mess in the kitchen, and the cleaning wouldn't be too much of a big deal, either.

I always had the most respect for my mom because she did precisely that. She gave up a lot to be a stay-at-home-mom, and I wanted to make the same sacrifice for my kids someday.

Being a stay-at-home-mom is HARD.

Don't get me wrong, I love Michael. I ADORE Michael. I'm looking forward to a time when there is Michael + siblings for Michael... but every now and then... I really need time to just get out.

Because of where Clark and I are, friends aren't easy to come by. I have yet to truly meet a "kindred spirit". Therefore, I try my best to keep in touch with my friends who are located elsewhere. But, if I'm being honest, I'm not the best at it. So, for the time being, my best bet at a break is a long shower, a trip to the grocery store, a trip to the gym, errands, a doctor's appointment... ANYTHING that will give me more than, or at least, 20 minutes of peace.

Usually it's a shower or cooking time.

Today, it was the gym.

Clark came home during his break for class and took over feeding Michael rice cereal. I dressed in the appropriate attire as fast as I could and I was out the door.

Oh, how glorious.

I got in the car, adjusted the seat, and hit the gas with a little too much enthusiasm. I had to take a minute and breathe and remind myself that I wasn't trying to get the heck out of dodge, I was just taking some time to rehabilitate my mental state.

It worked.

25 wonderful minutes on the elliptical machine, and I was rejuvenated.

I returned home with a smile on my face. The dirty dishes, carpet that needs vacuuming, baby that needed feeding, laundry that needs to be folded, husband that has to prepare for drill duty... none of it seemed overwhelming. I was prepared simply because I got 25 wonderful minutes to take out all my stress and frustration on an exercise machine.

If only I could do it everyday.

I don't always get a break. That comes with the territory when you're living in a place that doesn't quite feel like home with a husband who is attending school full time, training full time, and working two part time jobs. It comes with the territory when you have a newborn and no family close enough to come and help everyday.

I get that.

I can easily admit that my sanity isn't always in tact.

You know the classic idea of the mom in the kitchen, pearls in tact, picture-perfect-baby in the crib, and dinner/dessert ready when the husband comes home? Well, how about the picture of the messy mom without makeup in sweats, hair in a messy pony-tail or bun, baby crying and the mom trying desperately to grab an apple or make a bag of popcorn... yeah.

I am not the classic idea of the stay-at-home-mom, and most days I attempt to not be the messy mom... but it happens.

It is not selfish for a mom to want some moments to herself. She needs it to keep her sanity. Trust me. It's perfectly normal.

So, while I strive to be the fabulous Newfangled Housewife, I don't always succeed.

And that's perfectly fine with me. I enjoy needing my 20 minutes or more to myself to regain my sanity. The important thing is that I jump right back into being a mom. I never forget my most important role in life. I just... escape for a little while.

What's your escape?