I ate a jar of Nutella.4:49 PM
OK... I didn't really eat a whole jar. It was probably 1/4th to 1/3rd. But I bet you're still either:
A) Making a disgusted face.
B) Making a "I've so done that before" face.
C) Considering doing the same thing.
D) All of the above.
I used to hate Nutella. I'm not sure if I did because I actually disliked it or because it was cool to be like, "Ew, gross! I don't like Nutella." This was a controversial reaction to people's usual exclamations of, "OH MY GOSH NUTELLA!"
Am I wrong? Still... go with me here.
Well, I was having an emotionally ridden time of things and it was the only thing remotely close to chocolate we had. So, forget putting a little on toast or eating it with some strawberries. I grabbed a spoon, a glass of wine, and dug right in.
If you recall, I'm an emotional eater. I tend to run to food before running to God. It's a constant challenge. And that night, I totally lost.
My husband works away from home. This isn't saying much, since a lot of families live this way. It isn't that we have a difficult time with the long distance or it's the end of the world when he's gone... it's just that it's really feeling like it's starting to take a toll. It isn't as though he has a set schedule. For instance, he's not gone two weeks and home two weeks; or he's not gone for a fifteen month deployment and then home. He's gone six weeks, home six days. Gone four weeks, home ten days. Gone seven weeks, home four days. It is constantly inconstant. It's never the same. We are very blessed if we know when he's coming home.
That night, I was sitting there reflecting on the busy week past and the busy times ahead. I was thinking of the changes we want to occur, with jobs and our life in general, and thinking about how likely some things are and how unlikely others are.
And instead of reflecting in prayer, or crying out to Jesus, I grabbed the Nutella.
I was just thinking of how tired I was of having to work at everything. Of having to keep up friendships, attempt to stay in shape, make sure I talk to Clark that day since odds are he's not home, and questioning if I am interacting with Michael enough to help him develop, grow, and be an amazing child of God.
I was screaming on the inside, but deep in my thoughts I knew I was avoiding God. I knew I had been avoiding him. Because I didn't want to talk to him, or hear him, or even acknowledge that I knew he was there waiting for me... because I was afraid of what he may have to say, or not say. I was afraid that I would cry out and either the response wouldn't be what I wanted, or there wouldn't be one at all.
To zone out even more, I got on Facebook. I justified it by getting on the K-Love Radio page. And I found this picture. With this verse.
I remembered that the only one who is in control, is God. He knows my past, present, and future. He knows my cares, burdens, praises, triumphs, and failures before they even happen. If I keep my eyes on Him, on the path ahead of me... everything will be just fine.
My devotionals may sometimes seem petty, and may seem rather repetitive. I seem to have the same troubles over, and over, and over again... but isn't that life? We all have struggles, and whether or not those struggles are relieved or are a constant battle, God is there to take care of me/us.
"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7 (NLT).
Yes to God, no to worries. Yes to God, no to fear. Yes to God, no to self pity.
For a much better devotional that is close to my heart and situation, check out Grace All Sufficient.